Sunnydale Idol
by panthea
Summary: X-over with Angel and American Idol! What if Sweet had a little help during OMWF? What if our friendly folks at American Idol took an interest in Sunnydale? What *would* happen?
1. Disclaimer

Title: Sunnydale Idol  
Author: panthea  
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
Rating: G, absolutely G…  
  
Parts: 12 parts + 11 interludes + prologue + epilogue  
  
Pairings: Buffy/Spike  
  
Distribution:   
Fanfiction.net at   
My own website at   
  
Disclaimer: I had a dream last night that I owned all the TV shows ever broadcast so I can write fic without disclaimers. Then I woke up. :-( So, I don't own Buffy, I don't own Angel and I really don't own American Idol. Ah, well, maybe it's for the best. I heard TV is evil…  
  
Spoilers: Since I'm rewriting OMWF, then up till there and somewhere mid-season three for Angel.  
  
Summary: What if Sweet had a little help during OMWF? What if our friendly folks at American Idol took an interest in Sunnydale? What *would* happen?   
  
Notes: This is a very *silly* fic, people. Treat it as that, what it is. A huge parody of all that is Amercian Idol, Buffy, FOX and those stupid commercials in between.  
  
Feedback: Would be nice. Just so I know people laughed, if any. But if you're a FOX exec trying to breathe down my neck, I'm kayaking near Hudson Bay… out of phone, fax or email range… out of ::cough::suing::cough:: range. So, don't look for me… 'kay? ::cringes::  
  
Credits: I would like to thank my favorite American Idol judge, Simon Cowell, who, yes, says it like it is. If only we could all say what's on our mind… ;-) 


	2. Prologue

Prologue 

**Prologue**

* * *

         There was a little known fact about vampires that others took for granted sometimes. 

         Angel didn't. 

         It was that innate feeling, deep down, that something big was about to happen. Angel knew humans felt it too, they said so. They, however, would brush it off as a hunch, though, or think they were paranoid; dismiss it. But it was a one of those senses that was augmented in vampires; that couldn't be ignored. And so this is why, when Angel rose that morning, he knew something was different, something… big… was going to happen. 

         Going down to the lobby, the feeling grew and intensified, so when Gunn greeted him, Angel could hardly be blamed for the semi-growl that he responded with. 

         "Boy, you're grouchier than usual," Gunn grumbled, handing Fred the bowl of popcorn. 

         "It's only eight, Gunn, give him a chance to wake up," she admonished him, moving to make space for him on the couch. 

         Sitting down, he clarified, "Wake up? It's eight in the evening, Fred…" 

         "Eight in the evening for a vampire is like eight in the morning to us," she explained to him, patiently. "Besides, we've had a hard week, let him sleep in…" 

         Angel grumbled in agreement as he reached for the blood tucked away in the fridge. Popping some in the microwave, he looked over to where the two were sitting comfortably in front of the TV, watching some crime show. 

         Like there wasn't enough of that around here. 

         "Where's everyone?" he asked them. 

         "Wes and Cordy are in the office, finishing up the billing for our five-case marathon last week and God knows where Lorne is. He'll probably be here soon." 

         Angel nodded, but the feeling of trepidation grew worse and when the front door burst open and Lorne ran in, huffing and puffing, Angel knew he had been justified. 

         "Channel 11, now!!" 

         "Huh?" Fred asked as Lorne wrestled the remote from her hand and flipped the channel, climbing over the back of the couch and forcibly inserting himself between her and Gunn. 

         The crime show they were watching was soon replaced with a commercial that just ended and by the time Angel had come around behind them, joined by Wesley and Cordy, who hearing the noise, came out to see what happened, the promo for the upcoming show had started. 

         "What's going on - ?" said Cordy, just as Fred moaned, "Hey! We were watching - !" and Gunn yelled, "Hey, man!, Watch where you're putting - !", making Fred squeal in pain. 

         "All of you! Shut up! Watch!" Lorne cried, pointing at the screen. 

         No one was used to Lorne's harsher side so they watched the promo. 

         "Tonight… on FOX. This is _American Idol_ as you've never seen it before! When Simon… Paula… and Randy get a little help from America's secret underground world of demons, will they be able to find the next great star? Watch as humans and non-humans alike compete for the chance to be America's next superstar! Prepare to expect the unexpected as our judges travel to Sunnydale, demon central, to bestow their opinions on eight hopefuls and for a surprise ending that will leave you… astounded! But only one can take top prize! All this and more on tonight's prime-time special… _Sunnydale Idol_! Next… on FOX!" 

         "That's…" Angel said as the images whizzed by. 

         "Buffy? Oh, yeah, Angelkins. And your friends, Willow, Xander and Giles. All of them. They're the eight contenders," replied Lorne. 

         "What is going on?" demanded Wesley. 

         Lorne turned in his seat and looked at him as he said, "I was talking to some old pals for mine and they told me how they had auditioned for this. They know it's my favorite show, after all. Then, I recognized some of the names that Cordy used to talk about and I ran over here as fast as I could." 

         "But why would they do this? On national TV?!" cried Cordy. "Don't they know how dangerous this is?" 

         Lorne shook his head. "Sweetums, this is FOX, okay? The same people who bring you _Joe Millionaire_ and _Man vs. Beast_. It's all hype, no one believes it. Apparently, it's all 'staged'. Just a publicity stunt to drum up ratings for the real thing." 

         "So, it's all fake?" asked Gunn. 

         Lorne raised his brows. "Well..." 

         "Well, what, Lorne?" Angel interjected. 

         "Well... I don't know! I'm not exactly sure how they did this. I guess we watch the show, then call them in Sunnydale. How about that?" 

         Angel sighed. "Fair enough. Move over," he told Fred, who pushed Lorne aside so they could all squeeze onto the couch. 

         They all watched as the show started. 

* * *


	3. Teaser

Chapter 1: Teaser 

**Chapter 1: Teaser**

* * *

         The show began as the commercial playing faded into a scene of a graveyard at night and the host walked out from behind a crypt to face the camera. The camera zoomed in for a close-up as he spoke. 

         "All across America, thousands came forth to demonstrate their talent and vie for the chance to be America's next big thing. With the success of two _American Idol_s behind us and the long-anticipated _Canadian Idol_ in the works, we've scoured hundreds of cities, looking for the next Nashville, New York or Motown." 

         As the camera panned out and the host continued to walk along the graveyard, passing trees and tombstones, he said, excitedly, "And tonight, we have a special show for you. Hi, I'm your host, Ryan Seacrest, and we have come all the way to this small town in California called Sunnydale to showcast some great talent. But before we get to the contestants, let me tell you a bit about this town and why we chose Sunnydale for our prime-time special." 

         The scene cut to a montage with shots of the quiet, peaceful town during the day and a tranquil musical piece playing softly in the background. The montage was accompanied by Ryan's comments in a voiceover. 

         "Sunnydale looks like your average American town. Great people, beautiful landscapes, clean parks... During the day, that is." 

         The scenes of the town changed to the same ones but at night. Creepy music replaced the softer piece playing in the background as Ryan continued with his voiceover, speaking a little more spookily. 

         "But when the sun sets... all is not so peaceful. Sunnydale is actually a mythical convergence point for other dimensions. Here, demons and vampires are free to roam and terrorize the townspeople." 

         When the scene cut back to Ryan in the graveyard, he stood beside a red demon in a blue suit. 

         Switching back to his normal, excited voice, he said with a wide grin, "One of these demons is our special guest, Sweet." Turning to the demon, he said, "Sweet, tell us about Sunnydale." 

         "Aw, Sunnydale's the best!" said Sweet, as the camera came in for a close-up. "It's young, it's hip and it's happening! And all these humans about! Makes for quite an entertaining evening... never gets dull around here!" 

         The camera panned out and Ryan asked Sweet, "So, Sweet, you called us at _American Idol_ because you've got a special power that would interest us, can you tell us about that?" 

         "That I do, Ryan. I can make people sing and dance their truest feelings against their will. And I want to use that power to help you find the next _Sunnydale Idol_!" 

         "And how would you do that?" 

         "Easy. I just need someone to pick up this necklace and read the incantation on it. And I have just the right person in mind. Then, the whole town will be singing and dancing. With a whole town to choose from, I leave finding the next *Sunnydale Idol* up to you," Sweet explained. 

         Ryan faced the camera with a big grin and announced, "Great! Let's meet our contestants and the judges and get the necklace in place to start." 

         "Sounds like fun..." agreed Sweet, an evil smirk setting on his face. 

         Ryan didn't catch it as he added, "More _Sunnydale Idol_! After these words, don't go away!" 

* * *


	4. Initial Reactions

Interlude 1: Initial Reactions 

**Interlude 1: Initial Reactions**

* * *

         The six of them sat silently in the Hyperion as a spokesperson told them how _Sunnydale Idol_ was being brought to them by Ford Motors and Herbal Essences. Lorne was the first to speak, to say something so un-Lorne-like… 

         "That slimy, little… WEASEL!" 

         Okay, maybe it was a _little_ Lorne-like. 

         "Wait, you know that red guy?" asked Gunn, incredulously. 

         Lorne nodded as he rubbed his horns absently. "Sweet… he's up to no good, I tell you!" 

         "Who is he?" asked Angel, alarmed. "I thought you said this was fake!" 

         "I never said that!" Lorne took a deep breath. "Okay, here's the deal. _Americal Idol_ is this show where a bunch of twentysomethings all over America audition and try to win the grand prize of a record deal. There are these judges and they pick thirty-two and America calls in votes to narrow that down to one." As Angel turned to say something, Lorne raised his hand and continued, "That's _American Idol_… this… this is different. Sweet's managed to convince them to change the format to use his power… and he didn't lie, Angel-cakes. Like he said, you pick up his necklace, say the incantation, and he makes Sunnydale the next Broadway musical." 

         "So…? What's so wrong with that?" Fred asked. "Sounds kinda cool. Everyone sings and they pick the best one, right?" 

         Lorne nodded sarcastically, as he replied, "Yeah, hon, cool, all right. But this is _truest_ feelings! Imagine, everything you ever kept from someone, buried deep inside, spilt out for the world to see." 

         Fred flinched slightly, but Cordelia added, "Okay, I can see that would be bad, but… Lorne, aren't you a little overanxious? They're just secrets. They'll just have to deal, right?" 

         Lorne shook his head in impatience. "You guys don't get it. All those thoughts, feelings, they don't come out easily. Having them forced out of you… it's… it's like the physical equivalent of having your innards pulled out through your throat. You can't _force_ someone to say what they want to keep secret unless you plan on hurting them. Big time." 

         Wesley nodded thoughtfully. "I had read something of this. Amaorca demons, right? They tap into the victim's thoughts and feelings and force them to sing and dance them out into a frenzy, causing them to combust…" 

         Lorne nodded gravely and pointed at Wes. "Exactumundo. Guys, you know I'm usually all for singing, it's a healthy way to express yourself, let out your frustrations and emotions, _willingly_, but Sweet… he's just in for the big bang finale. And I do mean 'bang'…" 

         "We have to do something!" cried Fred. 

         "We can't," said Cordy. "If they're broadcasting this now, this has already happened." 

         "So, what do we do?" asked Gunn. 

         Angel turned his attention back to the TV, which was now displaying the opening sequence. Lorne noted it was the same as always, except the logo now read _Sunnydale Idol_. Angel's feeling of trepidation was raging now, but he quelled it to watch the show and prayed for a happy ending. 

         "We watch." 

* * *


	5. Let's Meet Our Contestants!

Chapter 2: Let's Meet Our Contestants! 

**Chapter 2: Let's Meet Our Contestants!**

* * *

         When the opening sequence ended, the scene cut to Ryan, standing outside the Magic Box with Sweet, who was holding a necklace. 

         "All right! We're back!" cried Ryan. Turning to Sweet, he asked, "Now, Sweet, we just need someone to pick up the necklace and say the incantation, right?" 

         "That's right, Ryan. By leaving it here, I'm sure one of our contestants will pick it up," replied Sweet. 

         Ryan, taking the necklace and placing it by the door, added gleefully, "Well, let's find out." 

         They went into the side alley by the magic shop and waited. 

         As the camera cut to show the street, Xander came walking down towards the Magic Box where he spotted the necklace and picked it up. 

         The camera cut to the looks of expectation on Ryan and Sweet's faces as they jumped in contained excitement. 

         Cutting back to Xander, he examined the necklace. "Hmm, strange. Anya would never let any of her merchandise just lying around for someone to take it. What's this? 'Let the show begin'? What's that supposed to mean?" he said to himself out loud and then, with a shrug, pocketed the necklace. "I'll just give it back to Anya in the morning." 

         He left and the camera cut to the side alley where Ryan and Sweet came out, excitedly. 

         "So, was that enough?" asked Ryan. 

         "Oh, yeah! We're in business!" Sweet said, as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. 

         Ryan almost jumped as he excitedly joked, "Man, I feel like singing!" 

         "Whoa there, tiger. I put a small charm that exempts you and those of you working for the show. Can't have the judges singing back, now can we?" laughed Sweet. 

         "Oh, no…" agreed Ryan. Turning to the camera, he pointed and said, "Did Sweet's spell work? Well, in great old _American Idol_ tradition, let's look at some of the auditions!" 

         The scene cut to many spliced auditions, namely a young girl singing a high-pitched version of "Stop In The Name of Love"; a older man singing an off-key "Pour Some Sugar on Me", a werewolf singing an all-too-invigorating rendition of "Born to be Wild", a bunch of zombies, singing, appropriately enough, a very slow and monotonous version of "Thriller"; another young girl who spent more time showing off as much skin as she could than sing her version of "Unbreak My Heart" properly. Wedged between the auditions are scenes of the fairly bored judges who are obviously not impressed with Sunnydale's showing. 

         As the scene cut back to Ryan, now standing alone in front of the Bronze, he said, "Well, the spell worked! …But obviously, the judges were less than satisfied." Grimacing as the last girl's song, which had been playing in the background as a voiceover came to a screeching halt, he smiled and continued, "With Sweet's help, though, we have chosen eight wonderful contestants, one of which will become our next... _Sunnydale Idol_! Who has what it takes? Why don't you try to guess? Here they are!" he announced. 

         The scene shifted to a montage of the contestants. As each contestant came up, their name, age and occupation was clearly identified at the bottom of the screen. 

         The first shot was a photo of Xander, in work clothes and a hard hat, standing in front of a construction site. The caption read: 

              Name: Alexander Harris   
              Age: 22   
              Occupation: Construction Worker 

         As the photo faded into a close-up of Xander, he said, "I think I could be the next _Sunnydale Idol_. I've got a decent voice and hey, who wouldn't want a bit of Xander-goodness?" He laughed and continued, seriously, "Yeah, I'd love to be famous." 

         The scene cut to a picture of Tara, sitting in the park, holding her cat. The caption read: 

              Name: Tara MacClay   
              Age: 21   
              Occupation: University Student 

         Tara stuttered as the camera closed in on her. "I-I-I'm a p-p-pretty good s-s-singer. I get n-n-nervous sometimes, but it's n-n-normal, right?" She took a visible deep breath and added, "I think I will surprise everyone." 

         Dawn's picture was next, showing her sitting at the large table in the Magic Box, 'doing' her homework. The caption read: 

              Name: Dawn Summers   
              Age: 15   
              Occupation: High School Student 

         Dawn smiled very excitedly as the camera focused in on her. "I can sing... and dance!" she announced. "And I know what kids really want, not like all these geezers. I watch MTV! Trust me, I'm the next _Sunnydale Idol_... then I can get out of this stupid – " 

         Her comment was cut off by the photo of Willow, standing in front of Sunnydale University. Her caption read: 

              Name: Willow Rosenberg   
              Age: 22   
              Occupation: University Student 

         Willow fidgeted as she said to the camera, " Oh, yeah. I think I have it. Maybe I don't exactly speak… muscianiese, but I think anyone can sing well, if they wanted to." She thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think I could do it." 

         The next picture was of Buffy, sitting on her back porch. Her caption read: 

              Name: Elizabeth Summers   
              Age: 21   
              Occupation: Cashier/Server 

         On her close-up, Buffy sighed thoughtfully, "Man, leave my job, be all famous... yeah, I'd really love that. I could finally stop worrying about the mortgage, you know?" She looked away, then back. "But duty calls, you know?" 

         The next shot was a bit blurry, as it was taken at night and depicted a blond man in a black leather duster, door half-closed, hand out, index and big finger forming a V. His caption read: 

              Name: Spike   
              Age: Undisclosed   
              Occupation: Poet 

         The close-up was rather bouncy as it seemed the cameraman was walking after Spike, who looked backward to say, "What? Idol? Like hell!" Spike stopped and faced the camera, pointing his finger at it, accusingly. "That bloody ponce stole _my_ look! Is what you get for helping a poor bloke out, I say! And who gets ribbed for me? Me! I'll have you know – " 

         Spike's tirade was cut off by Giles' picture, taken in his apartment. His caption read: 

              Name: Rupert Giles   
              Age: 47   
              Occupation: Proprietor 

         "Well, yes, I'd like to fancy myself a decent singer," he said as the camera closed in on him. "Yes, perhaps this would be an excellent opportunity to pursue. To allow my music to prevail in this generation..." 

         The shot cut to Anya's picture, standing in front of the Magic Shoppe. Her caption read: 

              Name: Anya   
              Age: 20   
              Occupation: Sales Clerk and Useful Member of Society 

         As the camera focused, Anya primped her hair and gushed, "Become a rock star?! Yes, I'd love that! Do you know how much money those people make?!" 

         Ryan chuckled as the scene cut to him standing again in the graveyard, now with three people sitting on the long, flat tombstone to his left. 

         "Interesting contestants, interesting show! Now, before we start, I would like to introduce our judges, who will be evaluating the contestants as we go along. Paula Abdul..." 

         As he gestured to her, a quick close-up had Paula cheerily saying, "Hey, everyone!" 

         "...Randy Jackson..." Ryan introduced the heavy-set man beside the petite woman, who sitting back relaxed, said, "Hey, what's up, dog?" 

         "...and Simon Cowell," Ryan finished, waving to the man on Paula's other side with a flick of his hand. 

         "Thanks, Ryan. Haven't done anything about that hair? It's quite horrible," Simon commented. 

         Ryan, smiling nonetheless, cheerily replied, "Nope! But save your comments, Simon, for our contestants, whom we'll get to right after this. Stay right there!" 

* * *


	6. And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors

Interlude 2: And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors... 

**Interlude 2: And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors...**

* * *

         When the show faded out to a Verizon commercial, Angel rubbed the back of his head, wincing. "What were they thinking of, getting themselves into this? Allowing this?!" 

         "I don't think they know," whispered Fred. "Maybe they thought it was innocent." 

         "Innocent?" cried Gunn, gesturing at the TV, which was now telling them how Nyquil was the nighttime-sniffling-sneezing-coughing-aching-stuffy head-fever-so-you-can-sleep-and-have-a-good-morning medicine. "They're providing interviews! They're… competing!" 

         "Gunn's right," agreed Wesley. "I would have expected this from the younger ones in the group; Dawn, or Anya or even Willow. But Buffy? Giles? I hardly think that they would agree to something like this lightly." 

         "Hmm," Cordelia mused. "Yeah, I can't see how Giles, of all people, is going along with this. And Spike! Why'd they rope Spike into this?!" 

         "Lorne," Angel said, hit with an idea. "Can you read those people who sang? Through the TV?" 

         Lorne nodded. "Way ahead of you, buddy. Although even four years as karaoke host didn't prepare me for _that_…! Anyway, those auditions, nothing. Just your basic nervousness, hopes of making it big, the usual. Obviously can't read anything off the zombies… mindless creatures. Nope, everything's still hunky-dory in Sunnydale." 

         "Good," Angel said, with a sigh of relief. Focusing on the set again as the commercials came to a close, "so far, so good." 

* * *


	7. Going Through the Motions

Chapter 3: Going Through The Motions 

**Chapter 3: Going Through The Motions**

* * *

         The _Sunnydale Idol_ logo spun off the screen to show Ryan back at the graveyard with the three judges on the same tombstone, he said, "All right. You've met the contestants, met the judges, now let's see how they fare. Here's our first contestant, Buffy Summers." 

         The screen cut to a shot of Buffy's graduation photo. Although Buffy was smiling widely in the picture, the photo was slightly burnt on the edges. In a voiceover, Ryan recounted, "Our first contestant is Elizabeth Summers, or Buffy as she prefers to be called. Buffy comes from Los Angeles and moved here after her parents' divorce." 

         As Ryan continued, a montage of Buffy's daily routine rolled by. Scenes of her helping Dawn get ready for school, taking out the garbage, working at the Doublemeat Palace were shown as Ryan said, "Buffy is now a full-time mom to sister Dawn, while working double-shifts at the local burger joint. But that's during the day..." 

         The scene cut to a montage of Buffy on patrol, fighting off three vamps in usual Slayer-style. "At night, Buffy is the Slayer. She is the Chosen One, selected to protect the people of Sunnydale from the demons and vampires that plague the town." 

         "I would love to give it up," said Buffy as the camera cut to a close-up of her being interviewed. "Hang up my stakes and settle for a normal life. But I'm not normal and I have a duty to protect the people here. Leaving is not an option. My dreams... my dreams come second." 

         The scene faded out and into the graveyard where Ryan and the judges are. The camera panned left to find Buffy walking along, looking around. Suddenly, she began to sing, 

                  Every single night, the same arrangement   
                  I go out and fight the fight.   
                  Still, I always feel this strange estrangement   
                  Nothing here is real, nothing here is right. 

         A vampire appeared from behind a gravestone and rushed at Buffy. She spun him around and continued singing, 

                  I've been making shows of (she punched vampire) trading blows   
                  Just hoping no one knows (she kicked and grabbed the vamp, throwing him behind her)   
                  That I've been going through the motions   
                  Walking through the part. 

         Buffy pulled a stake from her jacket pocket as the vampire attacked her from behind and she staked him without looking back. 

                  Nothing seems to penetrate my heart… 

         She continued walking and singing, 

                  I was always brave, and kind of righteous.   
                  Now I find I'm wavering. 

         Two vampires and a demon gathered near a tree. There was a person tied to the tree. The vampires saw Buffy and attacked. 

                  Crawl out of your grave, you'll find this fight just (she punched one vampire)   
                  Doesn't mean a thing. (she punched the second vampire) 

         One of the vampires sang, 

                  She ain't got that swing. 

as the second vampire punched Buffy and she went down. She sang, 

                  Thanks for noticing. 

         She continued lying there as the two vampires and the demon began to do a dance, singing, 

                  She does pretty well with fiends from hell   
                  But lately we can tell… 

         As they sang, Buffy got up and a sword came flying towards her. She spun and caught it, looking back to see who threw it. She saw Ryan, grinning and waving, as to say, 'keep going'. She looked confused but then shrugged and went after the vamps. 

                  That she's just going through the motions,   
                  Going through the motions. 

         Buffy pulled the first vampire away and cut off his head with the sword. The second vampire sang, 

                  Faking it somehow. 

as Buffy pushed him aside and stabbed the demon who sang, 

                  She's not even half the girl she – (he looks down at his wound) – ow. 

         The demon fell over as Buffy continued walking, holding the sword. 

                  Will I stay this way forever?   
                  Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor? 

         She used the sword to cut the ropes that are tying the person to a tree. The person came around the tree trunk, to reveal a handsome man who started to sing, 

                  How can I repay – 

before Buffy interrupted him with a 

                  Whatever. 

         She turned away, tossed the sword back to Ryan, who fumbled and dropped it with a girly shriek, and continued walking. 

                  I don't want to beeeeee... (she walked up onto a raised platform ringed by statues, then stopped)   
                  Going through the motions   
                  Losing all my drive.   
                  I can't even see   
                  If this is really me   
                  And I just want to be – 

         The second vampire attacked her and she staked him. He exploded into dust that formed a cloud, obscuring Buffy from view, then cleared as she sang the final word, 

                  Aliiiiiive! 

         There was a wide aerial shot of Buffy standing amidst the gravestones, just as the camera cut to the judges' panel. Paula smiled widely as Simon raised his hand for Buffy to stop and her eyes widened at the sight of them. 

         "Okay, that's enough. Paula?" he said with cool efficiency. 

         "Well, your presence is great, I really felt like you were really depressed and bored with the whole 'going through the motions' thing. And you look amazing. You got style..." she started. 

         Buffy interrupted, "Uh, who are you guys? What's going on...?" 

         Simon put his hand up to say 'don't interrupt' and Paula continued, "...and you didn't lose your stride, killing the vampires. So, good job. Randy?" 

         "Yeah, you got it, girl. You kept up the performance and showed real emotion. Your voice, a little flat, untrained. But the power was there, you're not shy about it. Great job. Simon?" he summed up quickly before turning to Simon. 

         Buffy looked confused as she crossed her arms, but bit her tongue and waited for them to finish. Simon, looking bored, heaved a big sigh and faced her. 

         "Well, I'm afraid I don't quite agree everyone else... don't take this personally, but I think you're a horrible singer. You may be a good Slayer, but it's probably your voice that's raising the dead. I mean, come on, you have no range, you're off-key..." 

         "Simon…" Paula started, rolling her eyes. 

         "Hey! I didn't _want_ to sing, okay? It just happened! And who are you to criticize me?!" she cried, getting off the tombstone to walk towards the judges' panel. 

         "I'm the one who's going to end up signing with the winner, so I think if anything I have a say in who gets the record deal. People would have to be deaf to buy your CD. Sorry, I don't think you have what we're looking for," he said, calmly. 

         "Record deal? Looking for? What are you – " 

         Simon ignored her question with a rolling of his eyes and turned to his left. "Paula, final decision." 

         Paula smiled and said, "You know what? I say, yes. I think she has the charisma to pull it off. True, her voice may need work, but it's rare to see that kind of enthusiasm," she defended. 

         "Randy?" Simon asked the man to Paula's left. 

         Randy looked at Buffy, critcally. "I say yes, too," he finally agreed. "Work on your range, but I think you have star quality." 

         Simon sighed and resigned, "All right. See you in the next round." 

         "Next round? What are you...?" Buffy began to question before an excited Ryan came up beside Buffy and put his arm on her shoulder. 

         "So, the judges have decided. Buffy makes it to round two! But how will her friends fare… ow!" He cried in pain as Buffy twisted his arm behind his back. 

         "What the hell is going on?! You have till the count of three to tell me!" 

         Simon chuckled as he said, "At least she got good taste when it comes to Ryan. I think I'm beginning to like her." 

         Ryan, who was still straining under Buffy's hold, managed to choke out, "We'll be back... after this." Then, looking off-screen, he whimpered, "Help…" 

* * *


	8. Everyone Has An Opinion

Interlude 3: Everyone Has An Opinion 

**Interlude 3: Everyone Has An Opinion**

* * *

         As the show faded into yet another commercial for Verizon, Gunn got up and began clapping wildly, "Way to go, girl! Yank that guy's arm off!" 

         "Gunn!" admonished Fred, but who couldn't help but smirk a bit anyway. 

         "Okay, see? That doesn't make sense. First, she's competing, and now she doesn't know why they're there?" asked Angel, gesturing at the screen. 

         "Strange," added Wesley, stroking his chin. "Perhaps the interviews were done after the show finished airing?" 

         "Yeah, for sure, they can edit all that stuff afterwards," agreed Cordelia. 

         "Lorne, tell me you read something," pleaded Angel. 

         Lorne sat back and looked at them. "Guys, it ain't pretty. She has no idea and won't until Sweet gets what he wants. They're in for a rough ride." 

         "But will she be okay?" he asked. 

         Lorne nodded. "Don't worry, Angel-pie, she's fine. But we're in for a show. I just hope the rest of your group have better voices…" he added, dryly. 

         "What?" asked Angel, defensively. "She sings fine." 

         "I thought she sang pretty well," whispered Fred. 

         "Come on, honeys. Simon calls it as it is. You can't get a better judge of singing talent," announced Lorne. 

         Fred looked up, eyes wide. "What? No way! Simon is just a big, old…" 

         Gunn sat back down, just as the Ronald McDonald told them to put a smile on, and, interrupting Fred, exclaimed as the logo came on, "Okay, guys, shush! It's starting!" 

* * *


	9. I've Got A Theory

Chapter 4: I've Got A Theory 

**Chapter 4: I've Got A Theory**

* * *

         The show faded back in to show Ryan standing by the open door of the Magic Box the next day. 

         "And… we're back! Now, Buffy passed last night's audition, but now she has to face her friends and the judges will use this opportunity to eliminate one of the contestants. Who will it be? Let's find out." 

         The camera panned to show Buffy passing Ryan with a scowl on her face as Ryan rubbed his arm in reflex. She went into the Magic Box, looking over her shoulder distrustfully. 

         Inside, Xander was seated at the table while Willow and Tara stood by the counter. Giles was at the far end of the room, reading and Anya was by the window, checking the inventory. 

         "Good morning, Buffy!" Giles said as she walked in. 

         "Oh, hey, did Dawn get off to school all right?" Willow asked her. 

         "What? Oh, uh, yeah. I think so," Buffy replied, distracted. 

         Xander was holding a donut in each hand as he said, "Respect the cruller. And tame the donut!" 

         Anya, passing by to the counter, commented dryly, "That's still funny, sweetie." 

         As she went behind the counter, Giles looked in the box of donuts, chose one and took a bite. 

         "So, uh, no research? Nothing going on? Monsters or what not?" Buffy asked, semi-casually. 

         Giles and Xander shook their heads no and continued eating donuts. 

         "Good! Good," she answered. Then, a little awkwardly, she asked, "Uh, so, did anybody... uh... last night, you know, did anybody, um... burst into song?" 

         Giles stopped chewing and everyone stared at Buffy for a moment. 

         "Merciful Zeus!" cried Xander. 

         They all rushed over and started talking at once. 

         "We thought it was just us!" said Willow. 

         Giles added, "Well, I sang but I had my guitar at the hotel..." 

         "It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like – " Tara tried to explain. 

         Buffy completed, "Like you were in an audition!" 

         "Yeah!" Tara agreed. "There were judges and…" 

         "That would explain the cameras everywhere and that annoying chap with the bad hair," added Giles. 

         Willow interjected, "We did a whole duet about dish washing." 

         "And we were arguing and," Anya pitched in, "and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and the dance with coconuts." 

         "There was an entire verse about the cous-cous," Willow explained. 

         "It was very disturbing," concluded Xander. "The guy with hair, I mean." 

         When everyone calmed down, Giles turned to Buffy and asked her, "What did you sing about?" 

         She paused, then said, "I don't remember. But i-it seemed perfectly normal. I mean, until the British guy said I sucked. What is it with you English people, being all down on me?" she asked Giles. 

         "It's disturbing," Xander repeated. "And not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again?" 

         Giles thought about it, saying, "I don't know. I should look into it." 

         "With the books," added Willow. 

         Tara turned to them and asked, "Do we *have* any books on this?" 

         "Well, we just gotta break it down," insisted Xander. "Look at the factors before it happens again. Because I, for one – " 

         Giles interrupted as he sang, 

                  I've got a theory   
                  That it's a demon   
                  A dancing demon! (then he grimaces)   
                  Ugh, no, something isn't right there. 

         Willow joined in, singing, 

                  I've got a theory   
                  Some kid is dreamin'   
                  And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare. 

         Tara did 'jazz hands' beside her as Xander pitched in with, 

                  I've got a theory we should work this out. 

         They all added together, 

                  It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about? 

         Xander jumped up and sang, 

                  It could be witches!   
                  Some evil witches! 

then seeing Willow's and Tara's expressions, sang quickly, 

                  Which is ridiculous,   
                  'Cause witches   
                  They were persecuted,   
                  Wicca good   
                  And love the earth   
                  And woman power   
                  And I'll be over here. 

         Xander pointed and sat quietly as Anya added, 

                  I've got a theory! It could be bunnies! 

         There was silence as the others just stared at her. 

         Tara tried to add her two cents, 

                  I've got a – 

but suddenly the tune changed to a frantic hard-rock beat with electric guitar and a roving spotlight that waved crazily over Anya and she shrieked, 

                  Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes!   
                  They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses!   
                  And what's with all the carrots?   
                  What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? 

         She played air guitar as she cried, 

                  Bunnies!   
                  Bunnies!   
                  It must be bunnies! 

         Fireworks went off all around her, then the smoke cleared away. The others continued simply staring. 

         Back to original melody, she added, 

                  Or maybe midgets. 

         Willow quickly sat down beside Giles and opened a book saying, 

                  I've got a theory we should work this fast. 

         Giles joined in and they both sang, 

                  Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed. 

         Giles got up and started to climb the stairs to the loft as Buffy chimed in, 

                  I've got a theory. It doesn't matter. 

         Giles paused and turned back. Everyone looked at Buffy as she elaborated, 

                  What can't we face if we're together?   
                  What's in this place that we can't weather?   
                  Apocalypse?   
                  We've all been there.   
                  The same old trips   
                  Why should we care? 

         They all agreed, except Giles, and sang together, 

                  What can't we do if we get in it?   
                  We'll work it through within a minute. 

         Buffy looked at Giles throughout this. He watched her too and finally joined in. They all sang, 

                  We have to try   
                  We'll pay the price   
                  It's do or die… 

         Buffy chimed in to sing, 

                  Hey, I've died twice. 

         Giles smiled and came down off the ladder, all of them singing, 

                  What can't we face if we're together?   
                           Giles: What can't we face...   
                  What's in this place that we can't weather?   
                           Giles: ...if we're together...   
                  There's nothing we can't face. 

         As the tune dwindled away, Anya sat, adding in a small voice, 

                  Except for bunnies. 

         As Xander sat next to her, he said, "See, okay, that was disturbing." 

         "I thought it was neat," replied Willow. 

         Then, a cough was heard from above and they all turned to look up to the loft where Simon, Paula and Randy were looking down. 

         "All right! Enough! Thank you. Paula?" Simon turned to the woman at his right. 

         Paula smiled widely as she looked down and said, "Oh, you guys were great. Really. It's so hard to decide. Again, Buffy, you've got the enthusiasm, that style. Really great. And you all work _so_ well together..." 

         Giles interrupted to say, "What is going on here – ?" 

         But Buffy put her hand on his arm to say wait and Simon, ignoring Giles, turned to Paula and demanded, "Paula, you have to choose someone." 

         She frowned slightly, and added, "Well, I would have to say Tara. I'm sorry, you didn't engage me, really. I didn't feel that connection. You depended on the others to guide you and a star has to hold on her own. Yes, I vote Tara." 

         Frightened, Tara stammered, "Vote? For w-w-hat? I don't get this!" 

         Simon, ignoring Tara, turned to the other man and said, "Randy?" 

         "Yo, guys! Honestly, you guys rocked. I got a great feeling of teamwork and participation. No one was the hero here, just coming together and giving it 110%. But, I can't say you all have what it takes. I agree, Tara, need to work on presence. But I wouldn't dismiss you yet. You have a great voice. I'd like to see more. If anything, I would vote for Willow. Girl, you have no rhythm, no beat." 

         "What? N-no! I-I have rhythm! I have beat... Come on!" pleaded a flustered Willow. 

         "Sorry, girl, but you don't. And you're just standing there. You need to entertain _us_, not expect _us_ to _be_ entertained. Sorry, I vote for Willow. Simon?" 

         Simon sighed and said, "Ah, up to me, I guess. Now, what word could I use to describe this… this … debauchery? Hmm… I know… how about ghastly?" 

         "Really? Cool…" said Xander as he grabbed his donut. 

         Giles rolled his eyes and said, "Xander, that's not good. It means we were horrible." 

         "Oh." 

         "Glad one of you is literate," mocked Simon. "How about pathetic? Or maybe tedious? In other words, you all blew it. Just pitching ideas, no sense of direction... Unbelievable. We've raised the bar, people, you can't just expect us to listen to this. You have to work hard. How much practice have you had? You, there!" He pointed down to Xander, who was munching on a donut. "Xander, is it? How much time to you all put into this routine?" 

         Confused, Xander swallowed and said, "Time? Uh, none... See, it just happened, we were sitting here..." 

         "Exactly. Eating doughnuts and goofing off? We didn't come all this way for a half-assed audition. We came to offer you an opportunity and you're all messing it up..." cried Simon. 

         Paula looked at him, exasperated and added, "Simon, you don't like anything. You can't insult your way across America. Now, make your choice." 

         "Although most of you have no talent, I do see some potential. But off the bat, I'd have to agree with Randy. Willow, you have to be the worst singer of the lot. No range, no power. Sorry, I'm doing America a favor by eliminating you." 

         Willow stood, staring at him a bit indignantly, and replied, "What? No way! I'm a great singer! You can't do this!" 

         "Of course I can. You didn't exactly make this hard. You have no talent." 

         Angered, she cried, "But I do have talent! Give me another chance I'll prove it!" 

         Simon rolled his eyes and said, as if he had repeated this a million times, "If we gave you a chance, we'd have to give everyone else a chance. We only have so many episodes." 

         She pleaded, "Please! I can do better! Give me... five minutes. I'll rock, I will!" 

         "What? So you can go to a voice enhancement spell? Sorry, no amount of magic in the world can make *that* voice even tolerable." 

         Willow, almost in tears, stalked angrily past her friends into the training room. Buffy looked up at Simon and said, "You're horrible, you know that?!" 

         Simon only answered patiently, "Yes, so I have heard. Okay, let's get out of here. We have more contestants to see." 

         The three judges came down from the loft and walked out of the Magic Shoppe. Cutting to the street, they saw a man standing in the street holding a shirt in a dry-cleaning bag. He sang triumphantly, 

                  They got... the mustard... out! 

         A whole crowd of people were standing in dance formation holding dry-cleaning bags. They did a synchronized dance, waving the clothing around as they repeated, 

                  They got the mustard out! 

         Paula smiled and clapped politely, nudged Randy and said, "That was absolutely wonderful! See, they got the mustard out!" 

         "No, I just didn't feel it, you know? The crowd had more feeling," he commented back. 

         "Ah, yes, and the plight of the condiments is exactly the next single America wants to hear... I'm so disappointed," Simon muttered, shaking his head. "Sorry, you're just not _Sunnydale Idol_ material…" 

         The judges walked past the forlorn crowd, who were now dragging their dry-cleaning bags on the ground in defeat. 

         The camera cut back to the Magic Box door, where Ryan was standing by. 

         "So, the judges have eliminated their first contestant, Willow. Let's go see if she has anything to say about this!" he said, nudging his head to indicate that the cameras should follow him in the magic shop. 

         The screen cut to Willow's graduation photo. In it, Willow was smiling widely even though the photo was also slightly burnt on the edges as was Buffy's. 

         Ryan's voice came over and said, "Our first eliminated contestant was Willow Rosenberg. Living in Sunnydale since her childhood, Willow is now a second-year student at Sunnydale University, finishing a major in Psychology." 

         A montage of Willow's daily routine showed scenes of Willow at college, at home with Buffy and Dawn, hanging out at the Bronze with Tara and Xander. 

         "During the day, she helps out roommate Buffy and studies hard, but at night..." Ryan's voice faded as the screen cut to a montage of Willow's spells. Her eyes were black as she performed various spells for the camera, floating things, making colored swirls in the air, lighting candles. 

         "At night, Willow helps out Buffy with her powers as a witch. Performing spells to help combat against the evils of Sunnydale." 

         A close-up of Willow being interviews had her saying, "I've always been interested in magic, since I met Buffy and got into the secret world of Sunnydale. Our mentor, Giles, helped out so much before and my friends have always been so supportive. Making it big would be great, but if it doesn't happen... well, I have Tara and my friends and my magic. I am happy." 

         The screen cut back to Ryan who was now standing in the training room beside a huddled Willow who was being consoled by Tara and Xander. 

         She hiccupped, crying, "He was so mean. He – he said I had no talent!" 

         Tara patted her gently on the back and consoled her, "Come on, Willow. He doesn't know anything. You have lots of talent." 

         Willow lifted her head hopefully and said, "I do?" 

         She didn't see Tara and Xander's averted gazes as Xander agreed, half-heartedly, "Of course you do, Wills! He's just a stupid... uh, demon, maybe?" he volunteered, trying to change the subject. 

         "Or British!" retorted Buffy. "Stupid English people..." she grumbled. 

         "Hey!" chided Giles. 

         "Sorry." 

         Giles turned to see Ryan listening in to every word and waiting for an opportunity to jump in. "Ahh, the annoying chap. Perhaps we should ask him?" 

         "Ask me?!" exclaimed Ryan, coming up to them, excitedly. "No! I'm here to ask you! So, what do you all think of the judges' decision?" 

         "I think he's stupid," claimed Buffy. "Will's got lots of talent... and rhythm... and beat!" she insisted. 

         "YEAH!" cheered Xander. 

         But Anya turned to Ryan and asked, hopefully, "But then again, the rest of us now have a better chance to win, right?" 

         "Anya!" admonished Tara. 

         "What?" she exclaimed at them. "It's true, right?" she asked Ryan. 

         "Right you are! With one contestant down and seven left, you all have a better chance in the next rounds," he explained. 

         "So, this is like some game show?" Giles asked, thinking out loud. 

         Ryan laughed, "Game show?! Funny." He turned to the camera and said, "Well, we have to break for commercial now, but when we come back, amazing solos and we'll meet our other contestants when _Sunnydale Idol_ continues! Stay tuned…" 

* * *


	10. And Ruin The Show?

**Interlude 4: And Ruin The Show?**

* * *

         "Damn!" Angel swore, as the Verizon commercial came on. 

         "I know, you'd think they'd have other commercials on!" agreed Cordelia. 

         "No," said Angel, patiently. "I mean, damn, they're not any closer to figuring this out. I mean, Giles is a Watcher, too. How come Wesley knew about this demon and Giles doesn't?" 

         "In all fairness," said Wesley, smiling, "I saw the demon. Giles doesn't even know it's in town." 

         "Poor Willow," moaned Fred. "She tried so hard…" 

         "Oh, believe me, Willow's going to have her chance in the limelight," drawled Lorne. When Fred looked quizzingly up at him, he shook his hand to disregard its importance at the moment and said, "They all have some serious issues to resolve. This singing's going to make a mess of it all. Sweet always knew the best time to strike." Lorne steepled his fingers and rubbed his temples. 

         "But are they going to be all right?" Wesley asked. 

         "Yeah, but will they be better for it? I don't know," Lorne replied. 

         Gunn looked at them and said, "Wait, if this is already over and done with, why don't you just call them and ask what happened?" 

         "What? And ruin the show?! Now be quiet! It's starting again!" Cordelia exclaimed, pulling him back down on the couch. 

* * *


	11. Under Your Spell

Chapter 4: Under Your Spell 

**Chapter 4: Under Your Spell**

* * *

         When the show faded back in again, Ryan was standing as two joggers passed him by and said, "Here we are once again. Now, in the last segment, we saw Willow's shameless fall from glory. Tara, her girlfriend, will try to cheer her up, but what Tara doesn't know is that this is her chance to advance to the next round. After the last performance, Paula said Tara didn't engage her enough and although Randy thought she had a good voice, he claimed she still needed to work on presence. Will the judges' comments affect her performance now? Let's see how she does." 

         The screen cut to a shot of Tara's graduation photo. Tara was smiling shyly in the picture, her hair obscuring most of her face. Unlike Buffy's and Willow's, it was intact. 

         In the voiceover, Ryan said, "Tara MacClay is our next contestant. She comes from Nebraska and is also studying for her major in Psychology at Sunnydale University." 

         As the montage of Tara's daily life passes, scenes of Tara at college, walking with Willow in the park, at the Magic Shoppe with Anya, Ryan said, "Tara met Willow there, in a Wiccan support group. She now lives with Willow in Buffy's house, studying like a regular student, but..." 

         The screen cut to scenes of Tara's spells, her doing small mediation chants, studying in the Magic Box and walking hand-in-hand with Willow. 

         "...Tara shares more than just a room with Willow. She shares a love for witchcraft... and a love for each other." 

         Tara said, as she is interviewed, "Willow... is great. She's my everything. She's so powerful and I love doing spells with her. Magic can be so... freeing. But… it can also be dangerous." 

         The screen cut back to Ryan and panned right to show where Willow and Tara were walking, holding hands. Willow's face was still tear-streaked but they were both smiling slightly. 

         "I don't care," she sniffled. "I want you to win. You have such a great voice." 

         "I don't know, Willow. We don't know anything about this. And those judges are mean. Especially the English one." 

         Willow smiled and cajoled Tara. "Come on, you can do it! You're the most wonderful person I know. You'll amaze them all!" 

         "I'm just ... not used to this. You – you think everyone wants to hear me?" 

         Willow looked at Tara fondly and asserted, "Of course, they do! Everyone would love you! Can't you see what they see in you?!" 

         "I know exactly what they see in me," Tara said shyly. "You." 

         Tara turned to Willow and began to sing, 

                  I lived my life in shadow   
                  Never the sun on my face.   
                  It didn't seem so sad, though   
                  I figured that was my place   
                  Now I'm bathed in light   
                  Something just isn't right 

         They walked past the park bench where the three judges sat, watching them. Willow gave Simon a scathing look, but turned back to Tara who continued, 

                  I'm under your spell   
                  How else could it be   
                  Anyone would notice me?   
                  It's magic, I can tell   
                  How you set me free   
                  Brought me out so easily. 

         The camera cut to a stream where Willow and Tara are on the bridge. Tara took Willow's hand and they walked off the bridge onto a path, holding hands. 

                  I saw a world enchanted   
                  Spirits and charms in the air. 

         Tara made a gesture with her arm and sparkles appeared, following her hand with a little tinkling noise. 

                  I always took for granted   
                  I was the only one there. 

         Willow made some even more impressive sparkles with her hand, ending in a small shower of sparks surrounding them both. They smiled at each other. 

                  But your power shone   
                  Brighter than any I've known. 

         Tara spun away from Willow to a small pond at the edge of the grass. Tara began to dance. 

                  I'm under your spell   
                  Nothing I can do   
                  You just took my soul with you 

         A couple of young women were on the grass sunbathing in the background. They got up and began dancing in sync with Tara. 

                  You worked your charms so well   
                  Finally, I knew   
                  Everything I dreamed was true   
                  You make me believe… 

         Willow and Tara spun around in each other's arms. Suddenly they were in their bedroom. They sat down on the bed and looked lovingly at each other. 

                  The moon to the tide   
                  I can feel you inside   
                  I'm under your spell (she lay down on the bed)   
                  Surging like the sea (Willow leaned over her and smiled)   
                  Wanting you so helplessly   
                  I break with every swell (Willow moved downward and disappeared out of shot)   
                  Lost in ecstasy   
                  Spread beneath my willow tree   
                  You make me complete! 

         Tara's body slowly rose up and hovered over the bed. 

                  You make me complete   
                  You make me complete   
                  You make me... 

         The screen cut to the bedroom door and Simon, Paula and Randy were standing in front of bed. Willow and Tara jumped up from the bed, startled when they appeared. 

         "Okay!" exclaimed Randy, clapping his hands. "Before this turns X-rated, let's remind you we're on national TV, okay?" 

         "National TV? WHAT?!" cried Willow. 

         Paula smiled and said, "We just want to give you our decision before... you know. Randy, what did you think?" 

         "Girl, I said it before and I'm saying it again. You have a great voice. Go with it. Paula?" 

         Paula nodded and said, "I so agree. It's obvious you love Willow so much and it shows in your delivery. I can feel it." 

         "Thanks, I do," Tara said, shifting a look at Willow and nodding. 

         "I know I said otherwise before," continued Paula. "but your performance has changed my mind. Much better. I think you have what it takes. You just have to work on your confidence. When you let go like that, you shine. Simon?" 

         Simon smiled and added, "For once, I agree with these two. Beautiful voice, well done." As Tara began to smile back, his smile faded and he said, "However, I don't mean to be rude, but your image has left to be desired. That bodice? What is this, 18th century? And the hair? You have to look the part. No one will listen to you looking like that!" 

         "What?" exclaimed Willow. "Of course they will, she looks great!" 

         "No, she doesn't," Simon answered back, matter-of-factly. 

         "Well, I beg to differ," Willow retorted. 

         "Then, differ," he said, calmly, which only served to irritate Willow more. 

         "Well, I do, she looks great," Willow spat back, trying to keep her voice as low as his was. 

         "No, she does not," he repeated, ever so calmly. "Not like that." 

         Willow lost it. In a childlike whine, she yelled, "Does too!" 

         "Does not," he replied, quietly. 

         "Does too!!" 

         "Does not." 

         "Willow…" Tara started, seeing the conversation could go on indefinitely. 

         "No!" Willow took a menacing step forward and yelled, "Tara's beautiful! Where the hell do you get off – ?!" 

         "Willow, it's okay…" Tara tried to soothe her, quietly. 

         "NO! He obviously doesn't have a clue!" Willow raged angrily. "You look amazing! Go to hell!" she told Simon. 

         "Well, listening to you sing, I've been there," he replied calmly. Ignoring her open mouth of surprise and Paula's quiet sputters of outrage, he turned to Tara and said, "Okay, Tara, welcome to the next round. And wear something more modern. Paula, Randy?" 

         The judges left the bedroom as the camera cut back to Tara and Willow who were hugging. Willow was still a bit red-faced, but smiled at Tara, who teared in happiness. 

         As the judges exited the house, they passed Ryan who looked at the camera. "There you have it, folks. Willow had her chance to tear into Simon, but Tara still passed to the next round. Will she be able to overcome her image problems and be the next _Sunnydale Idol_? Find out this and more as we meet our next contestants when _Sunnydale Idol_ returns after these words." 

         The screen faded out, then quickly back in to show Xander, Buffy, Giles and Dawn at the Magic Box who were been unknowingly taped for reactions. 

         "So, who do you think is going to win?" Xander asked Buffy. 

         "Huh?" she said, looking up from the book she is reading. 

         "You know, this. The annoying guy told me the prize is the chance to get your CD labelled." 

         "Really?!" cried Dawn, excitedly. "I'm _so_ going to win. And I'll call my first album, 'At the Break of Dawn'. Cool, huh? 'Cause my name's Dawn… get it? I'll win a whole bunch of awards… and I'll be sure to thank you in my first thank you speech, of course," she added, humbly as an afterthought. "Then I'll go on tour and – " 

         "Okay, easy there," Buffy warned. "We don't even know what we're dealing with here. It could be demons, it could be a spell…" 

         "Exactly," added Giles. "Care must be taken to ascertain…" 

         "…or it could be the real deal," insisted Xander. "A contest on TV. Looking for a star and somehow we got chosen to compete!" 

         "Even if. I can't say I'm comfortable with these cameras about with the kind of nightlife Sunnydale has. We'd have a lot of questions to answer," Giles explained. 

         "Giles is right. Besides, that host is waaay too excited to be real," agreed Buffy. 

         "And Paula's gotta be under some kind of spell," Anya chimed in as she walked in. "She's way too smiley." 

         Buffy nodded in agreement, turning back to her book as Dawn said, "Come on! It's not like we fighting some big evil! Songs, judges, dancing around. What's so _evil_ about that?" 

         The screen cut to a dark alley beside the Bronze where a man was tap-dancing across the floor. The close-up revealed his expression was scared and desperate. He continued dancing and suddenly burst into flames, screaming. 

         He fell to the floor in front of a pair of feet in red shoes and red pants. 

         The camera panned up to reveal Sweet, smiling evilly. "Now, that's entertainment." 

         The camera blacked out. 

* * *


	12. Pass The Popcorn!

Interlude 5: Pass The Popcorn 

**Interlude 5: Pass The Popcorn**

* * *

         "Oh my God!" cried Fred, grabbing Cordelia's arm. "He just… he just…" she tried to say it, gesturing wildly with her hand. 

         "Blew up? Yeah, we saw that," said Gunn. 

         "God, they're showing this commercial again?!" commented Cordy, as another Verizon commercial came on. 

         "Forget about the stupid commercial! A guy just died!" cried Fred. 

         Cordy looked at Fred and then back at the rest of them, sitting up. "Oh… come on, that's not… it's not _real_… right?" 

         "Normally, I'd say yes, honeybunch, nothing like a murder to spice up a reality show… but this is Sunnydale and right now, we have to assume that the research and genuine confusion they're showing isn't an act," commented Lorne. 

         Cordy covered her mouth with her hand as Angel said quietly, "Am I just really old or are they showing just a bit too much these days on TV?" 

         "Huh?" said Fred, grabbing the popcorn from Gunn. 

         "I think Angel is referring to Willow and Tara? I'd like to think not, but then again this is FOX, not the BBC. I think they have the ability to push the limits," replied Wesley, smiling uneasily. 

         "I think it's kinda of cute, they're so in love," gushed Fred. 

         "Yeah, but not for long." Lorne then noticed five pairs of eyes in him and said, "Well, there's gonna be some stuff… after… what? You want me to spoil it?!" 

         "No," said Cordelia, slowly. "Hand over the kernels," she asked Fred, who handed her the half-empty bowl. Cordy looked in, smacked the back of Fred's head and said, "Pig." 

         "What?! I'm hungry!" 

         "God knows where it goes…" she grumbled. 

         "Girls, hush now. The show's starting," scolded Wesley as Cordy picked out a few kernels, muttering under her breath. 

* * *


	13. I'll Never Tell

Chapter 6: I'll Never Tell 

**Chapter 6: I'll Never Tell**

* * *

         The show faded back in to show Ryan standing outside Xander's apartment complex. 

         "All right! Now, it's time to judge our next two contestants. Normally, we would have liked to evaluate each separately..." 

         Ryan glanced at the complex and a voiceover of Xander's said, "You want some breakfast, baby?" 

         Ryan looked back at the camera and said, "But these two never seem to be apart! So, together performing a duet... our next two contestants, Xander and Anya!" 

         The screen cut to a shot of Xander's graduation photo. In it, he was making a weird face in the picture, a cross between a yawn and a frown. The photo was also slightly singed on the edges and there was a hole just above his right eye. 

         "The first of these two is Xander Harris. He is Buffy's and Willow's best friend and has also lived in Sunnydale all his life," said Ryan in a voiceover. A montage showed scenes of Xander at the construction site, at home with Anya, lounging at the Magic Box with Buffy and Dawn. 

         "Xander never went to college, choosing to begin work as a successful contractor. He met current fiancée, Anya, in high school and two plan marry in the summer." 

         "I'd love to be famous," Xander said to the camera in a close-up. "I mean, who wouldn't? All those people, all there for you? Yeah, it would be great." 

         The screen cut to a photo of Anya who was wearing a revealing red dress, posing sexily for the camera. "Xander's fiancée, Anya is the other contestant," Ryan explained as they roll a similar montage of Anya's daily life, showing scenes of her counting money at the Magic Shoppe, harassing a client, arguing with Xander. 

         "At first glance, she looks like a beautiful woman, a successful sales clerk of the local magic shop, but in reality..." Ryan trailed as the montage shows scenes of Anya's acts as a vengeance demon, namely Anya's distorted demonic face as she cursed someone, men fleeing from her, Anya surrounded by dead bodies. "...Anya used to be a thousand-year-old vengeance demon, who avenged women by cursing men to horrific deaths." 

         The screen cut quickly to show Ryan, shivering in mock fright then to Anya's interview close-up as she said defensively, "Well, they deserved it. They were pigs. Not like my Xander." Then she smiled brightly and added, "But if I had to choose... yes, I rather be a rock star. They make lots more money and everyone would love me." 

         The scene faded out and into Xander's bedroom where he and Anya were still in bed. 

         "You don't have to go to work?" she asked, responding to his earlier question. 

         "Nah, I shut the crew down for the day. My guys start dancing around me, I don't know if I can deal. It's a flab thing. So, waffles?" 

         "Will you still make me waffles when we're married?" she asked coyly. 

         "No, I'll only make them for myself, but by California law, you will own half of them," he joked as he kissed her. "Hey, how about omelettes? I could do an omelette. I've almost got that – " 

         Xander continued talking unintelligibly as Anya sat up and began to sing to the camera. 

                  This is the man that I plan to entangle   
                  Isn't he fine?   
                  My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle   
                  Vengeance was mine!   
                  But I'm out of the biz   
                  The name I made, I'll trade for his   
                  The only trouble is (she paused and shook her head)   
                  I'll never tell. 

         Anya got up and walked off. Xander sat up in bed and sang to the camera. 

                  She is the one   
                  She's such wonderful fun   
                  Such passion and grace. 

         Anya returned and sat beside him to put on her slippers while Xander fondled her knee. 

                  Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight – (he caught himself)   
                  Embrace! Tight embrace! (he hugged her)   
                  I'll never let her go (Anya put her slippers on)   
                  The love we've known can only grow   
                  There's just one thing that – no.   
                  I'll never tell. 

         They both joined together to sing, 

                  'Cause there's nothing to tell. 

         The two of them left the bedroom, emerging into the living room as the music changed. 

         They alternately began to sing lines to each other, 

                  Anya: He snores.   
                  Xander: She wheezes.   
                  Anya: Say 'housework' and he freezes.   
                  Xander (opening the fridge): She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe. 

         Xander picked up a green cheese, sniffed it and made an 'ew' face. 

                  Anya: I talk, he breezes.   
                  Xander: She doesn't know what pleases.   
                  Anya: His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe! 

         Xander looked annoyed and closed the fridge. 

                  Both: The vibe gets kind of scary 

                  Xander: Like she thinks I'm ordinary   
                  Anya: Like it's all just temporary   
                  Xander: Like her toes are kind of hairy 

         They gave each other fake smiles and sang together, 

                  But it's all very well   
                  'Cause God knows, I'll never tell! 

         Xander opened the newspaper. The headline on the front page read: SUNNYDALE IDOL: ARE YOU AMERICA'S NEXT SUPERSTAR? 

         Anya sat at the other end of the table and sang, 

                  When things get rough, he   
                  Just hides behind his Buffy! (Xander gave her a look)   
                  Now look, he's getting huffy   
                  'Cause he knows that I know. 

         Xander added, singing, 

                  She clings   
                  She's needy   
                  She's also really greedy   
                  She nev – 

         Anya interrupted and sang, 

                  His eyes are beady! 

         Annoyed, Xander exclaimed, 

                  This is my verse, hello!   
                  She – 

         Anya began to dance in flapper style and said, "Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!" 

         Xander joined the dance and they danced together around the apartment as they both sang, 

                  You know... 

                  Xander: You're quite the charmer.   
                  Anya: My knight in armor. 

         Xander sang, 

                  You're the cutest of the Scoobies   
                  With your lips as red as rubies   
                  And your firm yet supple – (he catches himself again)   
                  Tight embrace! 

         They resumed dancing, then went to opposite sides of the dining room table and sat. 

                  Anya: He's swell...   
                  Xander: She's sweller...   
                  Anya: He'll always be my feller...   
                  Xander: That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified. 

         Anya looked anxiously as she added, 

                  I've read this tale   
                  There's wedding, then betrayal   
                  I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide. 

         They got up and crawled across the table toward each other as they both sang, 

                  I lied   
                  I said it's easy   
                  I've tried   
                  But there's these fears I can't quell 

         They sat with their backs pressed against each other. 

                  Xander: Is she looking for a pot of gold?   
                  Anya: Will I look good when I've gotten old?   
                  Xander: Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?   
                  Anya: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley? 

         They got up and resumed dancing. 

                  Xander: Am I crazy?   
                  Anya: Am I dreamin'?   
                  Xander: Am I marrying a demon? 

         They joined in together and sang 

                  We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!   
                  So, thank god, I'll never tell!   
                  I swear that I'll never tell! 

         They walked around the table then towards the couches in the living-room area. 

                  Xander: My lips are sealed...   
                  Anya: I take the Fifth...   
                  Xander: Nothing to see... Move it along...   
                  Both: I'll never... tell! 

         They both fell back onto the sofa, clutching each other and laughing hysterically. 

         The camera cut to the kitchen doorway and the three judges walked into the living room and sat at the dining room table, facing the pair. Anya clutched Xander's arm in either fear or nervousness. 

         "Let's cut to chase, shall we?" Simon said. "Randy." 

         Randy nodded. "I liked it. It was quick, fast-paced, exciting," Turning to Xander, he added, "But dog, you gotta lose the pajamas. The Hugh Hefner look, not your strength, okay? And please! You gotta know the words! Twice you screwed up. Naw, man, just didn't cut it. But I like the dancing and Anya's got a great sense of timing. I vote for Anya." 

         Anya clapped and cheered, "Really?! Oh, yea! I did it!" 

         Xander absently fingered his robe and muttered, "But I just got up..." 

         Simon raised his hand and Anya stopped clapping. "Not so fast. Paula?" 

         "Oh, gosh," smiled Paula. "You were good, but you know… I didn't like how Anya kept stealing the attention from poor Xander. She interrupted him twice and insulted him... A true Idol knows to share. Besides, Anya hasn't really impressed me much over the last two performances. Xander, though, has this presence, you know? I vote for Xander. Simon?" 

         Simon heaved a big sigh and ran his fingers in his hair. "Where to even start? What can I say? Don't take this the wrong way but, I think the demon was wrong to say Sunnydale had talent. Dismal, really. No preparation. The look's wrong; half the time, you weren't even singing... ahh, why are we even bothering if none of you will put any effort into it?" 

         Randy shook his head as if he expected that and said, "G, you gotta choose someone." 

         Reluctantly, he said, "Pfft! All right. I suppose the lesser of two evils would be Anya. But only because she used to *be* evil. Now, can we get out of here?" 

         Paula and Randy shrugged and followed Simon out of the apartment as Anya bounced up in joy. The screen cut to Ryan, who was standing by the door, waiting to interview the contestants. 

         "Well, the judges have decided and it's Anya off to the next round! Let's get some reactions." He turned to Xander and asked, "Xander, what do you think of the judges' decisions? Disappointed? Angry?" 

         But Xander was still fingering his robe in dismay, saying, "Was I _supposed_ to sleep in an outfit? I mean, I _just woke up_... I can't believe – " 

         "Oookay," Ryan said, raising his eyebrows and turning away from Xander to Anya. "So...! You're going to the next round! What do you think?" 

         "I'm so excited! I mean, I know I'm a great performer and well…hot," she added, sheepishly, looking down at her red teddy. "but to actually get to win! I can't believe it!" she crowed, jumping up and down. 

         "It's not over yet, though. You still have six other contestants to beat. What do you think about your chances?" he asked. 

         Anya scoffed, "Who? Giles? He's old... and Dawn whines. Buffy's not so great and Tara's a priss. Trust me, this is in the bag!" 

         "Ooh! What confidence! Well, we'll just have to see if the judges agree. When we come back, more performances and we'll meet our newest entries. Stay tuned!" He turned to Anya whom he was hugging about the waist as she waved frantically to the cameras. "I love my job!" he cried, smiling. 

         The camera panned to Xander, who was oblivious to everything, on the side, as he looked at himself in the mirror in disbelief, still muttering to himself. 

         The screen faded out to commercial. 

* * *


	14. Fighting During the Commercials

**Interlude 6: Fighting During the Commercials...**

* * *

         "Oh, poor Xander!" cried Fred. "Look, he's so traumatized! Simon is _so_ mean…" 

         "Whatever!" cried Cordy, throwing some of the popcorn at the screen. "Xander's a big baby. He's always been so self-absorbed." 

         "Now, hold on," said Angel. "If anything, give the boy credit. I mean, I can't say I like the whelp but he was never as self-absorbed as you were, Cordy…" 

         Cordy gave him a look that would freeze fire and countered by dumping the rest of the bowl of popcorn on his head. 

         "Hey! Watch the hair!" he cried as he rose quickly to brush the kernels off, jostling Lorne who inadvertently kicked Gunn. 

         "Ow!" 

         "Sorry, he pushed me!" 

         "Boy, sit your as – " 

         "I am NOT self-absorbed!" 

         "Poor Xander…" 

         "Enough!" cried Wesley, who was tired of everyone moving and fighting the minute the advertisements came on. And blast it, that commercial was _still_ playing! Yes, we can bloody hear you already!! "Can everyone just sit down?!" 

         They all quieted as they took their seats, not used to Wesley yelling. Then Fred picked up a few stray kernels off the couch and popped them in her mouth forlornly and said, "But… I'm still hungry…" 

         Wesley groaned as he stood and took the bowl from Cordy irritatedly, snapping, "All right! I'll get you some more popcorn! Just… behave! All of you!" 

         He stormed off towards the kitchen and they sat silently as until he was out of earshot when Lorne finally whispered, "Ooh-whee! Seems like ole Wes has a Jeckyll side…" 

         They all nodded in agreement, almost afraid to move lest they be on the receiving end of Wesley's wrath again. 

         "So, get anything from Xander or Anya?" Gunn asked Lorne. 

         "You mean, more than already has been said? I think they spelt it out pretty well, don't you?" 

         "But they're perfect for each other!" cried Fred. "Don't tell me they're going to split!?" 

         "Look, it's not easy for a former vengeance demon to get acquainted with the art of trust and commitment, okay? And Xander isn't really the paragon of all things stable…" Lorne explained. 

         "Yeah, tell me about it," scoffed Cordy. 

         "…I'm just saying that they have a lot to work through, you know?" he finished. 

         Fred looked at him doubtfully, but then turned back to the screen when the logo and music cued up again, as Gunn yelled out to the kitchen, "Yo, English! It's starting!" 

* * *


	15. Rest In Peace

Chapter 7: Rest In Peace 

**Chapter 7: Rest In Peace**

* * *

         The show faded back to find Ryan standing on a street corner, apparently waiting for something. 

         "Welcome back to the prime-time special _Sunnydale Idol_! So, let's recap. So far, we've seen contestants Buffy Summers, Tara MacClay and Anya move off to the next round. Eliminated were best friends Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris. How are they coping? Well, here come Xander, Anya and Giles. Let's listen in…" he said, gesturing for the camera to pan up the street. 

         Xander and Anya flanked Giles as they walked down the street towards Ryan and described to him what happened that morning. 

         "It's a nightmare!" cried Xander. 

         "It's fun!" disagreed Anya. 

         "It's a plague. It's… it's like a nightmare about a plague," he replied. 

         "We're being watched, by millions of adoring fans!" 

         "It's like, I didn't wanna be saying things – " 

         "Like there was a wall missing – " Anya started. 

         " – but they just kept pouring out," Xander told him, gesturing wildly. 

         " – in our apartment," finished Anya. 

         Xander added, "And they rhymed and they were mean and…" 

         "Like there were only three walls and not a fourth wall and…" 

         "My eyes are not beady!" he yelled at Anya. 

         "My toes are not hairy!" Anya yelled back at Xander. 

         They stopped talking over each other and turned their attention back to Giles. 

         "Giles, you've got to stop it," Xander pleaded with Giles. 

         Giles sighed as he said, "Well, I am looking into some leads, and I – " 

         "It's just, clearly our number is a retro pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit," explained Anya. "Simon told me I need focus on changing my style to suit the needs of horny, teenage American girls and boys!" 

         Xander and Giles looked at her in disbelief and when she shrugged innocently, Xander turned back to Giles and said desperately, "Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and show me where to point it." 

         Farther up the street, a woman was singing to a policeman who is flanked by the three judges. 

         Giles glanced at them, then struggled to pay attention back to Xander, saying, "Well now, Xander, it's not… quite that simple. But I have learned about some… disturbing things. Basically – " 

         They continued talking in the background as the camera focused on the woman. The cop was writing her a parking ticket as her car was parked next to a fire hydrant. The woman was singing more to the judges, although she was trying to appeal to the policeman. 

                  I'm asking you, please, no   
                  It isn't right, it isn't fair   
                  There was no parking anywhere   
                  I think that hydrant wasn't there   
                  Why can't you let it go?   
                  I think I've paid more than my share... 

         "Oh, stop, please… I think we've paid more than our share!" cried Simon, as the cop gave the woman her ticket. 

         "I don't know, G, she made a convincing case…" added Randy. 

         "Please, the hydrant _wasn't there_? It's in plain view! What kind of rubbish…" 

         The camera panned off to see the woman almost in tears as it returned to Giles, Xander and Anya who were still walking down the street. 

         "As in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts!" cried Xander, horrified. 

         "I don't know," claimed Anya. "One more verse of our little ditty and Simon would've been looking for a gas can…" 

         "Well, clearly emotions are running high," stated Giles, "what with this contest, the cameras and those infernal judges… But as far as I can tell, these people burnt up from the inside, spontaneously combusted. I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias." 

         "Okay," reasoned Xander. "But we're sure that the things are related: the singing and dancing and burning and dying?" 

         They stopped walking as Giles replied, "We're not sure of much. Buffy's looking for leads at the local demon haunts, at least ... in theory she is, but ... she doesn't seem to – " 

         "She's easing back into it. We pulled her out of an untold hell dimension. Ergo the weirdness. The important thing is to be there for her," Xander said. 

         Giles shook his head. "I'm helping her as much as I can, but, uh..." Giles spotted Ryan up ahead and swore under his breath. "Blasted host! Come on, let's take the back way." He led them to a side alley as Ryan walked briskly towards them. But the time he reached the alley, they were gone. 

         "Well, trying to avoid the host… won't get you any bonus points!" Ryan tried to joke to the camera. He looked a little insecure then brushed it off with a toothy smile and said, "No matter, seems Xander's trying to cause some friction among the other contestants. Can you say sour grapes?" he laughed. "And although they seem to be figuring out a demon is behind it, they think _Sunnydale Idol_ is responsible for a death! Go figure!" Ryan cocked his head as he mumbled, "Well, there was that one time…" Seeing the camera, he caught himself and said, "…uh, yeah, well, we'll see how the other contestants take the news. In the meantime… wait… I don't think we met all our contestants yet. Yes, seems to me, we forgot our favorite resident vaaaampiiiire…" he drawled out for suspense. "And now is a good time as any… Prepared to meet him? We're sure the ladies are. Heeeerrre's Spike!" 

         The screen cut to a shot of a drawing of Spike in an old book. The picture showed Spike in full demonic visage with text below it in an ancient script. 

         In the voiceover, Ryan said, "Spike, also known as William the Bloody, is our next contestant. Spike was rather unwilling to be a contestant but lucky for us, Sweet's spell doesn't discriminate." 

         The screen cut to scenes of Spike trying to avoid the cameramen, growling occasionally, shoving the cameras away. He pushed a cameraman, then clutched his head in pain. 

         "Spike is a master vampire, who is originally from England. He's killed thousands of innocent people, until a secret government agency put a behavioral modification chip in his brain preventing him from hurting humans," added Ryan in the voiceover before the screen cut to a close-up of Spike in his crypt, turning to find the camera at him. 

         "Aw, bloody hell, shut the soddin' thing off! Get it out of me face! No! I don't want to be famous, I already bloody am! Now, take that stupid thing out of my crypt, you spineless git, before I show you why they call me William the Bloody, you mindless, little motherfu – " 

         The screen cut quickly back to Ryan who was now standing outside the crypt at night. 

         "Ooh! A little rough around the edges, isn't he? Well, I'm standing outside his crypt and we're about to go in and see if our resident vampire can hit those notes or not. Let's watch." 

         The camera panned to the crypt door as it slowly opened to show Buffy waiting for Spike. He climbed up from the basement to find her there, both of them unaware of the camera peeking out from the door. 

         "The sun sets and she appears. Come to serenade me?" he mocked her. 

         Buffy stood there with her hands at her hips. "So, you know what's going on? The host, the judges, everything?" 

         He approached her, saying, "Well, I've seen some damn funny things in the last two days. A 600 pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac, that one will stay with you. I remain immune, happy to say." He held up a bottle of whiskey. "Drink?" 

         "A world of no," she said, emphatically as she sat. "So, any idea what's causing this?" 

         Spike looked at her, a little disappointed as he answered, "Oh. So, that's all. You've just come to pump me for information." 

         "What else would I wanna pump you for?" She cringed. "I really just said that, didn't I?" 

         "Yeah, well ... don't particularly care about any of it. Damn annoyed at that bugger with the nancy-boy hair, he's bloody everywhere. But that judge, the Brit, he's decent." 

         "But he's so mean!" exclaimed Buffy. "He told Willow she had no talent!" 

         "Really?" Spike looked surprised. "Well, don't know, the chap just calls them like he sees them. I have nothing but respect for a bloke who is forthright. Maybe Red _has_ no talent..." 

         "That's not true and you know it!" she cried. 

         Obviously bored now, he dismissed her by saying, "Whatever, luv. Anyway... don't want to bore you with the small talk." 

         Spike walked to the door and opened it to find a very smiley Ryan. 

         "Bloody hell! Not you, again!" 

         Ryan continued to smile as Spike closed the door in his face and turned towards Buffy, nudging his head at the door. 

         "Whatever. Don't know a thing." 

         Buffy frowned. "What's up? You're all bad 'n moody." 

         "Nothing. Glad you could stop by." 

         He made another gesture toward the door but Buffy stayed seated, looking at him. 

         "It's nothing," he reasserted, defensively. 

         "What?" 

                  I died   
                  So many years ago. 

         Spike looked surprised to hear himself singing as Buffy rolled her eyes. 

                  But you can make me feel   
                  Like it isn't so   
                  And why you come to be with me   
                  I think I finally know   
                  Mmm, mmm.   
                  You're scared.   
                  Ashamed of what you feel… 

         Buffy doesn't look at him as he continued, 

                  And you can't tell the ones you love   
                  You know they couldn't deal   
                  Whisper in a dead man's ear,   
                  It doesn't make it real… 

         He pointed to his head as she looked at him, then looked away. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. 

                  That's great.   
                  But I don't wanna play.   
                  'Cause being with you touches me   
                  More than I can say. 

         He jumped up to sit on the coffin, lying down on it and crossing his arms over his chest. 

                  But since I'm only dead to you   
                  I'm saying stay away   
                  And let me rest in peace. 

         Spike jumped up and the song took on an angry rock beat for the refrain. 

                  Let me rest in peace   
                  Let me get some sleep 

         He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and threw it against the wall. Buffy jumped up in surprise but didn't move. 

                  Let me take my love and bury it   
                  In a hole six foot deep   
                  I can lay my body down (advancing on Buffy)   
                  But I can't find my sweet release (he turned away from her with an angry gesture)   
                  So let me rest in peace! 

         She looked at him annoyed and turned toward the door, but he intercepted her. 

                  You know   
                  You've got a willing slave (he went on his knees)   
                  And you just love to play the thought   
                  That you might misbehave. (Buffy rolled her eyes)   
                  But till you do I'm telling you, (he stood up)   
                  Stop visiting my grave   
                  And let me rest in peace. 

         Spike yanked the door open again. Ryan wisely moved out of his way. The scene then cut to show a group of men carrying a coffin along. A few dozen yards away, Spike and Buffy were walking along side-by-side. 

                  I know I should go   
                  But I follow you like a man possessed   
                  There's a traitor here beneath my breast (he exchanged a look with Buffy)   
                  And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed (looking at Buffy)   
                  If my heart could beat, it would break my chest   
                  But I can see you're unimpressed   
                  So leave me be. 

         Spike jumped up onto the coffin being carried by the men. 

                  And let me rest in peace   
                  Let me get some sleep 

         The pall-bearers tipped the coffin and he tumbled off the end of it, bounced to his feet and shifted into game face. 

                  Let me take my love and bury it   
                  In a hole six foot deep 

         He rampaged through the mourners, tossing their folding-chairs aside. The people scattered, screaming. 

                  I can lay my body down   
                  But I can't find my sweet release... 

         He grabbed the priest and stared at him. Buffy came up behind Spike, grabbed him and turned him around. They tumbled backward into the open grave. Spike landed on his back with Buffy on top of him. He was back in human face. 

                  Let me rest in peace.   
                  Why won't you   
                  Let me rest in peace? 

         As the song ended, they still were lying in the grave with Buffy on top. She stared at Spike for a moment, then got off him, leapt out of the grave and ran off. Spike poked his head up out of the grave to watch her go. 

         "So... you're not staying, then?" he asked. He turned his head slightly and groaned. The camera panned so it focused on what Spike saw, which was the three judges that were off to the side of the grave, watching as Spike crawled out. "Great. My turn, then?" 

         "Oh, yeah, dog," crowed Randy. "And boy, do you got energy! A real dynamic performance. Really. You got that punk look, but that's okay, 'cause it goes with the song, right? I think you got something there. It's fresh, original. What do you guys think?" 

         Paula smiled flirtatiously as she agreed, "Yeah, he's a winner, all right. You look amazing and I can feel your torment, you know? You've got charisma and charm. I think you're a _very_ good contender." 

         Oddly pleased with the comment, he dropped her a quick wink as he said, "Thanks, luv," causing her to giggle like a schoolgirl. 

         "This looked easy for you, G. You never did this kind of thing before, right? Perform for an audience?" asked Randy, curiously. 

         Spike thought back out loud, "Not that I can recall... well, this was this one time back in the nineties. I ate a minstrel and had to take his place in front of the Royal Court – " 

         "Oh, come on. _Minstrels_? In 1990?!" scoffed Paula. 

         "*Eighteen* ninety, ducks. Vampire, remember? Keep up," he reminded her. 

         Randy looked concerned, however, and said, "Is this even _part_ of the requirements? Ryan! Boy, get yourself over here!" 

         Ryan showed up obediently beside Randy with a heavy tome open in his hand as he consulted it. "Let's see. You can't have signed with a label previous to the show or performed as part of recorded group... but, nope, no rules against performing in front of a Court!" He closed the book with a snap. "He's still a contender!" 

         Randy shook his head, sadly. "Guess we're going to have to find someone else to disqualify…" 

         Ryan ran off as the judges faced Spike again, who was now standing, arms crossed, with a huge smirk. 

         "All right, both Paula and Randy seem to favor you and although you will advance, let me offer my opinion," Simon offered. 

         Spike gestured with his hand and said, "By all means." 

         "Your performance was rather inspired. Execution was good and your voice has been probably one of the best I've heard here in Sunnydale so far," he commented lightly. 

         Impressed, Spike drawled, "Really? Well, then. I knew you were a honest chap… in fact I was just telling – " 

         "However," Simon interrupted him, "having only heard the shrieking and moaning that these people here have been _trying_ to pass off as good singing voices, I'm not quite inclined to think of that as quite the compliment." 

         "What?! Now, see here..." 

         "Perhaps your voice has died as the rest of your body has," Simon continued without pause, "or perhaps it ran off with your soul, but I doubt there is anyone out there in America who would enjoy that kind of caterwauling." He blinked at Spike innocently and added, "What? You wanted me to be honest." 

         Spike took a moment to visibly try to stay calm and said, "That I did. Anything else?" 

         "Yes," he added, taking a seat on a nearby tombstone. "I don't what it is about this town, perhaps the air, perhaps the water, that is making you all insist on choosing these horrible dressing styles. Did you think that the Idol in _Sunnydale Idol_ meant ripping off Billy?" 

         Beginning to lose it, Spike threw his hands up in frustration and cried, "Bloody hell, mate! I said this before. The bugger ripped _me_ off! How many times do I – ?" 

         "Come on, Simon," Randy interrupted. "_I_ thought it was okay. I mean, it's just a look, you know? Very London punk rock." 

         "I think it's sexy, actually," added Paula, saucily. "In a bad boy kinda way." 

         "Right. Well, then, I _am_ the Big Bad, after all," Spike agreed. 

         Shaking his head, Simon laughed. "Big Bad? Ha, you've been neutered, my friend. London punk rock… really… you Yanks wouldn't know a thing about England if it fell on the lot of you. No, no, no! It's horrible… really. And look at his accent. It's obviously not real and he can't even fake it right. It's not even close!" 

         "WHAT?! Bugger off! I'm more English than you are, you wanker!" Spike took a menacing step forward. 

         "Spare me, please. It's obvious you haven't stepped in the motherland inside this century," Simon said with a yawn. 

         "You bleedin' pillock!" Spike swore. "You obviously wouldn't know what talent is, even if it hit you on the arse!" 

         Simon looked at him, indifferently and replied, "So you say. You know, that attitude won't get you far. You may want to reconsider some anger management classes. Well then, off we go. See you in the next round." 

         The judges left and Ryan came up to Spike. 

         "Hoo-whee!" cried Ryan. "Simon had some strong words for you. What do you think? Is he on the ball?" 

         Spike, who was still watching the retreating judges, looked to his side, annoyed, and groaned, "Oh, hell. You again…" He turned to Ryan, who flinched reflexively in defense, then said, "Of course the wanker's not right. I'm right good singer. I toured briefly with the Yellow Shoes. We were smashing, if I do say so myself – " 

         "Yellow Shoes? Who are they?" 

         Incensed that Ryan could even ask such a question, he replied brusquely, "The greatest punk band to come out of Nevada, that's who! Well, might have been..." Spike flinched inwardly as he recounted, "I sort of ate the lead guitarist before we could record anything…" His voice became incensed again as he defended himself, "Well, he was an annoying little bugger... kind of like you." 

         Spike looked at Ryan menacingly and Ryan cowered in uneasy fear as he turned to the camera. "Yes! Well... Spike's advanced to the next round but we have more contenders. Right after these messages, don't go away." 

         As the screen faded out, Ryan stole another quick glance at Spike who was still staring at him and now licking his lips. 

* * *


	16. Everyone's Pick and Spike's Accent

Interlude 7: Everyone's Pick… and Spike's Accent 

**Interlude 7: Everyone's Pick… and Spike's Accent**

* * *

         "Wow." 

         All of them looked at Lorne. 

         "What? Did you get something? Are they okay?!" exclaimed Wesley. 

         "No," said Lorne, shell-shocked. Then kind of waking up, he quickly said, "I mean, yes, they're okay. It's just… wow, can that vamp rock! And those vibes… oo-whee!" 

         Gunn, who had been holding his breath, expelled it quickly in relief and tossed some popcorn in the demon's direction. "But they're okay, right? I mean, Giles is on the right track, he knows it's a demon and that he's killing them!" 

         Lorne nodded. "Yeah… but let's not get all excited, Slick. They're still not out of the fire yet." 

         "But it's only a matter of time," said Fred, cheerily. "They'll figure it out." 

         "Before someone ends up on Entertainment Tonight? I hope so," added Cordelia. "Cause God knows what I'd do if Anya gets to meet Mary Hart before I do!" 

         "Anya?! I don't think so. I think Spike's gonna win," predicted Gunn. 

         "Really? I didn't think he was _that_ good. Tara was a lot better," announced Fred. "All the judges agreed _she_ has the better voice." 

         "Yeah, but that was before Paula saw Spike," replied Gun, matter-of-factly. "She looked like she wanted to jump him!" 

         "Ugh," groaned Cordelia as Fred looked up and said, "Well, he _is_ cute…" 

         "Cute?! Oh, I forgot, you weren't here… when he tried to kill us all!" Cordy retorted, sarcastically. 

         "Now, Cordelia, with that chip in his head, he cannot hurt anyone," Wesley added. 

         Cordelia shook her head. "No, sorry. Chip doesn't cut it for me. Do you _know_ how many times he tried to kill us?! He tortured Angel, for Christ's sake!" 

         Fred saw Angel still staring at the screen where a commercial for that purple pill that no one was quite sure what ailment it cured, but you _had_ to ask your doctor about, was playing. "Angel? Are you okay?" 

         "Hmm?" He turned to see them all looking at him. "Oh, yeah… I… uh, why was Buffy in Spike's crypt?" 

         "Getting information, naturally. She said so," replied Wesley. 

         "Hmm." He looked at the screen, uneasily. 

         "Angel, there's nothing between them, if that's what you're afraid of. Spike and Buffy… it's laughable. The feelings Spike has are obviously one-way, there's no way she would return them. It's quite apparent this has been going on for quite a bit and I suppose it helps, in a way, in keeping him from hurting others. His affection for…" Wesley saw Angel staring at him, intently and quickly summed up, "Buffy can take care of herself, Angel. And Spike, for that matter." 

         Angel sighed. "I hope so." 

         Gunn saw Lorne looking away absently and thought maybe Wesley might not be so right, but bit his tongue as he knew of the vampire's liaison with the Slayer. 

         Fred, wanting to lighten the mood, asked, "Wes, you're British… was Simon right? Is Spike's accent really fake?" 

         Wesley smirked slightly as he turned back to the show that was starting up. "Well, one's manner of speaking has been known to be a good representation of one's life. Spike's life has been… colorful to say the least." 

         "What do you mean?" asked Gunn. 

         "Suffice to say," Wesley whispered after Cordelia, eyes glued to the screen, hushed him, "accent or not, BBC is going to have a marvellous time with their censors if they wish to broadcast this there." 

         They fell silent as the show's logo splashed across the screen, but it was broken shortly after when Fred said, "Wes… you didn't answer my question." 

         Wesley sat back, smiling, and murmured, "No, I didn't, did I?" 

         Fred scowled, but then turned back to the show. 

* * *


	17. Sweet's Change of Plans

Chapter 8: Sweet's Change of Plans 

**Chapter 8: Sweet's Change of Plans**

* * *

         "All right! Back in Sunnydale for the rest of our prime-time special, _Sunnydale Idol_!" cried Ryan as the show faded back in to find Ryan standing in front a house. "I'm here in front of the Summers' house, not to visit Buffy, but the last of our competitors, her little sister, Dawn. Let's meet her." 

         The scene cut to a photo of Dawn posing by a tree in a blue sundress. Then, a montage of Dawn's daily routine passed by, scenes of her going to school, doing homework, and even sneaking out of her room at night. 

         Ryan voiceovered, "Dawn seems like the normal fifteen-year-old, going to school and having fun, but..." 

         The scene cut to a shot of Dawn standing on the scaffolding, where they had fought Glory and the portal had opened. 

         "...Dawn is actually a mystical energy call the Key, used to open the gates to other dimensions." 

         "Apparently, I don't exist," she said in her interview. "But I'm here! Can't you see me!? No, it's Buffy this and Buffy that... Yeah, I'd love to get out of Sunnydale and make it big. Then maybe someone would care about me." 

         The shot went back to Ryan, who is standing outside Dawn's bedroom door. "Sounds like there are some abandonment issues…" he joked. "Let's see if Dawn can sing them out!" 

         The door opened and the camera panned in to find Dawn at her dresser where she opened a small wooden box. It was filled with all kinds of jewellery and amulets. She took out the necklace Xander had used to summon Sweet and put it on, looking at herself in the mirror. 

                  Does anybody even notice?   
                  Does anybody even care? 

         She turned around to find a demon standing behind her. Its whole head was like a big mask. The camera panned to show that there were actually three of the minions. They threw a bag over Dawn's head. She continued screaming, muffled. 

         As the minions dragged her off, they passed Ryan, who was standing in the hallway, looking confused. "Hey! This isn't in the scrip… hey!" he said, noticing the camera on him. "Well, it's seems Dawn's been… kidnapped. Let's tag along, shall we?" 

         His plastered-on smile twitched slightly as they followed the minions out. 

         The scene cut to the Bronze, where Dawn was asleep on the pool table. She suddenly jerked awake, sat up, and began to do a ballet dance. 

         She leapt down off the pool table and was confronted by one of the masked minions. As they danced, Dawn tried to escape and the demon stopped her. The other two demons appeared and joined in as they surrounded Dawn as she huddled close to the floor. Then, they flung her and she went sliding across the floor, stopping beside the stage, where Ryan just walked in. On the stage, Sweet was sitting on a chair. 

         Noticing Dawn at his feet, Ryan said, "Hey, Sweet, what's the deal? This isn't part of th – " 

         "The plan's changed, human," Sweet intoned as he danced down the stairs, towards Dawn. The minions came to Ryan's either side and held him. 

         To Dawn, he sang, 

                  Why'd you run away?   
                  Don't you like my ... style? 

         He snapped his fingers and his red suit turned to a blue one. 

                  Why don't you come and play?   
                  I guarantee a... 

         He reached up to his face, pulled off his mouth and held the disembodied mouth in Dawn's face. She stared in shock as the mouth continued singing. 

                  ...great big smile. 

         The mouth disappeared from his hand and reappeared in its normal place. 

                  I come from the   
                  Imagination   
                  And I'm here strictly by an   
                  Invocation (he held up a scroll covered with writing)   
                  So what do you say?   
                  Why don't we dance awhile? 

         He danced over to Dawn, gestured at her, then danced away again. 

                  I'm the hot swing   
                  I'm the twist and shout   
                  When you gotta sing,   
                  When you gotta ... let it out.   
                  You call me and I come a-running   
                  I turn the music on   
                  I bring the fun in   
                  Now we're partyin'   
                  That's what it's all about. 

         He chuckled as he danced toward Dawn and she danced backward. 

                  'Cause I know ... what you feel, girl. 

         He put his arms around her and they danced together as Dawn looked at him, scared. 

                  I know just what you feel, girl. 

         He spun Dawn away and she danced a few steps away from him. Nervously, she asked him, "So ... you're like a good demon? Bringing the fun in?" 

         Sweet laughed and shook his head no. 

                  All these melodies…   
                  They go on too long   
                  Then that energy   
                  Starts to come on way too strong   
                  All those hearts laid open, that must sting   
                  Plus, some customers just start combusting 

         Sweet opened the door next to him and a charred smoking corpse fell through it. Dawn stared in horror. 

                  That's the penalty   
                  When life is but a song.   
                  You brought me down into this town   
                  So, when we blow this scene   
                  Back we will go to my kingdom below   
                  And you will be my queen 

         Sweet made a gesture and Dawn's pants and shirt turned into a satiny ball gown. 

                  'Cause I know what you feel, girl. 

         Dawn nervously sang 

                  No, you see   
                  You and me   
                  Wouldn't be very regal 

         Sweet replied, 

                  I'll make it real, girl 

         Dawn added, 

                  What I mean   
                  I'm fifteen   
                  So this queen thing's illegal 

         Sweet laughed, 

                  I can bring whole cities to ruin   
                  And still have time to get a soft-shoe in 

         Dawn insisted, 

                  Well, that's great   
                  But I'm late   
                  And I'd hate to delay her 

         Sweet, ignoring her, 

                  Something's cooking, I'm at the griddle   
                  I bought Nero his very first fiddle 

         Continuing, Dawn added, 

                  She'll get pissed   
                  If I'm missed   
                  See, my sister's the Slayer… 

         Sweet stopped in mid-kick, looked at her surprised, stopped dancing and then turned to Dawn. 

         "The Slayer?" he asked her. 

         "Yuh-huh," Dawn nodded, nervously. 

         Sweet chuckled and turned to his minions, holding Ryan. "All right, let's make this interesting." To Ryan, he said, "Find her. Tell her ... tell her everything. Just get her and the judges here. I want to see the Slayer burn…" 

         As Ryan and the minions left, Dawn looked at Sweet, alarmed. 

         Sweet smiled at her and sang, 

                  Now we're partying. That's what it's all about… 

         The screen faded to black, then cut to commercial. 

* * *


	18. Sound The Battle Horn

Interlude 8: Sound the Battle Horn 

**Interlude 8: Sound the Battle Horn**

* * *

         "Okay, is that host an idiot or are they all really that clueless?! The girl's been kidnapped, doesn't that strike a bell up there?!" yelled Cordelia to the screen and anyone who would listen. 

         Gunn shrugged. "Girl, this is the new wave in reality shows… anything goes." 

         "But… but…" stuttered Fred. 

         "I know, apple pie," Lorne reassured her. "But I'm sure Ryan will figure out this isn't part of the show." 

         "You're _sure_?" 

         "Well, uh, maybe ninety-ten…" Lorne corrected himself. As Fred looked at him, he smiled sheepishly and offered, "Eighty-twenty?" 

         "This is crazy," said Angel. "I'm calling them." 

         "No!" they all cried as he rose to his feet. 

         When Angel paused, Wesley cleared his throat and said, embarrassed, "The show is almost over, surely you could wait a bit longer…" 

         Angel stared at him and said, "Wes, I don't need Lorne to 'read' Dawn to tell me she's terrified; or Sweet to tell me he's going to kill them all. It's quite evident," he exclaimed, gesturing to the TV sporting the newest Old Navy commercial, "don't you think?" 

         "Maybe they haven't called because they're all dead…" Fred whispered, nervously. 

         "Come on," scoffed Cordelia. "Don't you think if something big had happened, we would have heard about it? At the very least, I would have gotten a vision!" 

         No one said anything as the man on the TV told them all to 'obey their thirst' and drink Sprite. Then Gunn nodded, "Cordy's right. If the Slayer had been killed, every demon from here to the East Coast would be talking about it…" 

         "Right. And while Sweet's definitely got murder on the noggin, the Scoobies are still all alive… a little battle-weary, but fine," added Lorne. 

         "Battle-weary? But there was no battle…?" asked Wesley. 

         "Are all battles physical to you people?" he countered. "These guys have just had some of the biggest emotions in their lives right now sucked straight out of them! I can't imagine they feel all happy-go-lucky…" 

         "Yeah, and that Simon guy is slicing it all up with his 'constructive criticism'," mocked Gunn, doing air quotes. 

         "All I'm saying," continued Lorne, "is that things are going to get bad… and soon." 

* * *


	19. Standing In Your Way

Chapter 9: Standing In Your Way 

**Chapter 9: Standing In Your Way**

* * *

         "Welcome back!" Ryan said, happily, clapping his hands. "All right, we just saw Dawn get _kidnapped_ by Sweet and his crew. I've been delegated to go warn Buffy but before I do that, the judges are in the Magic Shoppe with our next contestant, Giles. You may all remember the older man from his earlier performance with the group, but now our judges will decide if he has what it takes to be a pop star. Will he succeed? Will his age get in the way? Let's find out…" 

         The screen cuts form Ryan's close-up to an old picture of Giles, who looks much younger, scowling sternly, dressed formally in a dark suit. 

         "Our last contestant is Rupert Giles. He lived most of his life in England, working for the Watcher's Council, before moving to Sunnydale six years ago." 

         Scenes of Giles in the Magic Box, training with Buffy and reading a heavy tome flash on the screen as Ryan adds, in a voiceover, "Giles started out as Buffy's Watcher and trainer, guiding her and teaching her in the ways of slaying." 

         "I've always imagined of something beyond Watching," Giles said, in the interview. "Buffy is quite efficient at her job, she rarely requires the assistance she used to need. I imagine this would be an excellent time… to pursue other goals, I suppose. " 

         The camera cut to inside the Magic Shoppe, where it panned into the training room's open door to find Giles standing by as he watched Buffy train. 

         "Good. Good," he encouraged her. 

         "I feel like I should... bow or... have honor or something," she complained. 

         Giles smiled and said, "It may seem hokey, but we need to work on precision and concentration as much as power. We're still not sure what we're facing." 

         As she put one leg up on the horse and stretched, she added, "Oh, you'll figure it out. I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an 80's movie," she joked. "And God knows if Simon insults us one more time, I'm going to knock him into next week." 

         "Ah," he said. "Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away. And if Simon comes along… Anyway, I don't think we need to work that much on your strength." 

         "Yeah, I'm pretty spry for a corpse," she said, doing a handstand on the horse. 

         Giles paused. "Have you spoken to Dawn about that incident at Halloween?" 

         Buffy leapt off the horse and frowned, as she stretched her arms. "Oh. I thought you took care of that." 

         "Right," he said, softly. 

         "What would I do without you?" she asked, oblivious to his expression. 

         Giles looked at her pensively, turned and then walked toward a set of weapons in a display case on the wall. 

         "Okay. I'm ready." 

         Giles turned to her and sang, 

                  You're not ready for the world outside   
                  You keep pretending, but you just can't hide 

         He selected a knife from the weapons case. 

                  I know I said that I'd be standing by your side   
                  But I... 

         Giles threw the knife at Buffy. She leant backward and let it fly past her, not listening as Giles sang, 

                  Your path's unbeaten and it's all uphill 

         He threw another knife, which Buffy deflected with one hand. 

                  And you can meet it, but you never will   
                  And I'm the reason that you're standing still   
                  But I... 

         He walks back towards her and threw a third knife which Buffy kicked aside. 

                  I wish I could say the right words   
                  To lead you through this land.   
                  Wish I could play the father   
                  And take you by the hand   
                  Wish I could stay here   
                  But now I understand 

         He walked closer to her as she did a handspring and then a split. 

                  I'm standing in the way.   
                  The cries around you, you don't hear at all   
                  'Cause you know I'm here to take that call   
                  So you just lie there when you should be standing tall   
                  But I... 

         Giles circled Buffy, who was training on a punching bag with a picture of Simon's face on it. Buffy kicked and punched the punching bag as Giles walked around her. 

                  I wish I could lay your arms down   
                  And let you rest at last   
                  Wish I could slay your demons   
                  But now that time has passed   
                  Wish I could stay here   
                  Your stalwart, standing fast   
                  But I've been standing in the way.   
                  I'm just standing... in the way. 

         "Did you just say something?" she asked, turning to him, just as an explosion of applause came from the side of the training room. 

         Spinning, Buffy saw the three judges clapping wildly. 

         "You again!" she raged, when she saw Simon. "I thought I told you to stay the hell away from us!" With that, she quickly grabbed one of the knives Giles had thrown at her in practice and hurled at him. It embedded itself into the wood beside Simon's head as the color left his face. 

         "Bloody he – you almost hit me with that!" 

         Buffy crossed her arms and smirked. "I don't miss… Next time, I get you, so you have exactly five seconds to get out of here else I'll – " 

         She grabbed another knife and prepared to launch it when Simon, cowering slightly, yelled, "Honestly… and miss this?!" 

         "What this?" she demanded, arm not wavering. 

         "Your mentor's performance… weren't you just here?" he asked her. 

         "Yeah, but Giles didn't…" she turned to Giles, who stood sadly to the side. "I mean, you…. did you?" she asked him, her arm with the knife dropping to her side. 

         "Selective hearing," Randy announced. "Man, kids these days…" he said, shaking his head. "Don't listen when it counts." 

         "All right, Simon, your turn to go first. Especially since Buffy has that knife. What did you think?" Paula asked. 

         Simon crossed his arms and looked straight at Giles. "No need to mince words… Brilliant. Really, really brilliant. My only regret is you didn't partake any of your knowledge of music to your student here," he mocked, gesturing at Buffy. She scowled as he continued, "I think you're exactly what this competition is made for. Voice, style, personality. You have it all. Absolutely wonderful. Randy?" 

         Randy lifted his eyebrows and looked at Simon. "That's it? No insults, no mockery? You actually _like_ him? Or are you scared of Buffy?" 

         "Absolutely not. Knives never stopped me from speaking my mind. Of course, I like him. He has talent, which is a rarity in this town. He's like the proverbial diamond in the rough," added Simon. 

         Randy whistled softly as he said, "Yo, G. He's like, almost fifty. How are the youth going to relate to him? Sorry, bro," he apologized to Giles. "Your sound is good, but you don't have the pop star look…" 

         "I agree," added Paula. "Simon, I'm surprised at you. You were all down on Tara and Spike about image, and now you're accepting Giles'?! He's in a suit!" 

         "Image you can change. Voice and talent you are born with," argued Simon, "you either have it or you don't…" 

         "But look at the kind of songs he's singing," countered Paula. "The themes in them are so…" 

         "Mature? Riveting? Worthwhile?" Simon inserted. 

         "Adult," stressed Paula, "and eclectic. What kind of people are going to go out and buy this kind of music?" 

         "Hopefully, people who know what good music is," Simon defended. "Smart people…" 

         Randy sighed and said, "Okay, Simon, you say yes. Paula you say…?" 

         "No." Turning back to Giles with a big smile plastered on her face, she added, apologetically, "But you _did_ sing well…" 

         Giles smiled uncomfortably as Randy looked at him and said, "Sorry, man. You have the talent, yes, but I don't think you're what we looking for here." 

         "I see," Giles answered quietly. 

         "I can't believe this," Buffy said, quietly. 

         "What?" 

         Buffy turned to Giles. "I agree with Simon… What kind of messed up spell is this?!" Turning to Simon, she asked, "You really think he has talent?" 

         "Young lady, I'm a producer. This is my job. I don't know about all this slaying, demons and magic. But I know about music. And talent. He has it. I'm considering producing him anyway. Is that what you want to hear?" 

         "No," Buffy said, softly with a half-smile, half-frown. "But, I know he's special. At anything and everything he does. If you see that… you can't be all bad." 

         Giles looked at her, a smile creeping on his face. He was about to answer when they heard a noise from outside in the shop. 

         They all rushed out to find Spike bursting into the magic shop, pulling one of Sweet's minions and Ryan by the collar. 

         "Lookie, lookie what I found," he said, pushing them into the store. 

         "Is – is this the demon guy?" asked Tara. 

         "Works for him," explained Spike. "He and the annoying bugger here," he added, shoving Ryan. "They're all in on it…" 

         Buffy looked back at the judges who looked down guiltily. 

         Spike continued, "Has a nice little story for the Slayer, don't you? Come on, then… Sing." 

         The music swelled up dramatically as if to introduce a big musical number, but the minion simply spoke in a normal voice. 

         "My master has the Slayer's sister hostage at the Bronze," the minion said, "and at midnight he's going to take her to the underworld to be his queen." 

         "What does he want?" asked Giles, glancing at the judges, who looked just as confused as they did. 

         "Her," the minion added, indicating Buffy. 

         "If that's all you've got to say, then – " scoffed Spike, trying to grab him, but the minion broke free and ran off. Surprised, he added, "Strong. Someday he'll be a real boy." 

         "So. Dawn's in trouble," mused Buffy. "Must be Tuesday." 

         "I – I just left her for a few minutes." defended Tara. 

         "Oh, it's not your fault. I think it's these judges that are," said Buffy. 

         "Who, us?" said Paula. 

         "Nah, girl…we're cool, really," defended Randy. 

         "Really?" asked Buffy. "Well, if he works for the demon," she started, jerking her thumb at Ryan, "then it's safe to assume you do too, huh?" 

         "Ryan? What happened?" asked Simon. 

         "Change of plans," he said, wiggling his eyebrows, suggesting for them to go along. 

         But Buffy grabbed the front of his shirt and demanded, "What change of plans?!" 

         Ryan shrugged, but offered no more. Looking at the judges who shrugged likewise to indicate _they_ had no idea either, she abruptly let Ryan go and faced her friends. 

         "All right, they're no help… So, what's the plan?" she asked as the judges and Ryan left. 

         "Plan, schman. Let's mount up," exclaimed Xander. 

         "No," said Giles, simply. 

         Anya came beside him and said, "Uh, Dawn may have had the wrong idea in summoning this creature, but ... I've seen some of these underworld child bride deals and, and they never end well. Well, maybe once," she added, thoughtfully. 

         "We're not just gonna stay here," Willow said. 

         "Yes, we are," Giles answered. He looked intently at Buffy and added, "Buffy's going alone." 

         "Gah! Don't be a stupid git," laughed Spike. "There is no – " 

         "If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll – " He paused to consider that and then said, "I'll never want your opinion." 

         "A little confusion spell could – " suggested Willow. 

         "No!" yelled Tara and as Willow looked at her, surprised, she hastily added, "I mean, I don't think it'll help." 

         Spike turned to Buffy. "Look, forget them, Slayer. I've got your back." 

         "I thought you wanted me to stay away from you. Isn't that what you sang?" she said, quietly. 

         "Spike sing a widdle song?" mocked Xander. 

         Anya looked at him and asked, "Would you say it was a breakaway pop hit or more of a book number?" 

         "Let it go, sweetie," Xander warned. 

         Spike paid no attention but looked at Buffy angrily and said, "Fine. I hope you dance till you burn. You and the little bit." 

         Buffy looked at Giles as Spike brushed past her. "You're really not coming." 

         "It's up to you, Buffy," he said. 

         "What do you expect me to do?" she asked, upset. 

         "Your best." 

         The screen focused on Buffy's face as it hardened and then faded out to black. 

* * *


	20. Mistakes Watchers Make

Interlude 9: Mistakes Watchers Make 

**Interlude 9: Mistakes Watchers Make**

* * *

         "See?!" cried Cordelia. "He's evil! Spike's evil!" 

         Fred frowned. "He offered to help. Why'd she have to throw it in his face?" 

         Lorne shook his head. "They eliminated Giles. A voice of gold and he's gone…" 

         "I didn't dig it," Gunn told Lorne, conversationally. "I mean, the brother's right, you know? You have to appeal to the masses. No one's going to listen to…" 

         "This is what concerns you?!" asked Angel, standing. "Giles is letting her walk into a demon lair alone, people! 

         "Angel," Wesley started. "She's the Slayer. A Slayer has always worked alone, she's quite capable." 

         "But…" 

         "Besides, Giles is right. Buffy wasn't listening when Giles sang. A Watcher guides a Slayer, he does not replace her. And sometimes a Watcher has to make difficult decisions like…" 

         "Like you made with Faith?" Angel sneered. 

         Wesley hung his head as he paused. "Yes, I suppose." 

         Angel regretted the comment. "Wes, I'm…" 

         "It's all right, Angel. A Watcher also makes mistakes sometimes. Watchers are, after all, human." With that, Wesley walked into the office. 

         "Gee, put your foot in it this time, didn't you?" Cordy commented as she grabbed another handful of popcorn. 

         Angel sighed as he sat back. "Sorry, guys, I'm just… this is insane!" he cried, pointing to the set where another Old Navy commercial was playing. 

         Fred nodded. "They're champions, Angel. They'll get it." 

         Angel looked at her, all wishful and hopeful. "I hope so. I hope they do. Time is running out." 

* * *


	21. Walk Through the Fire

**Chapter 10: Walk Through the Fire**

* * *

         As the show faded back in, the camera cut to the street. It was dark and some people were doing an angry dance-fight. The camera panned down to focus on a garbage can with a fire burning inside it. 

         Buffy walked up in foreground and held her hand out to the fire. 

         She sang softly, 

                  I touch the fire and it freezes me   
                  I look into it and it's black   
                  Why can't I feel?   
                  My skin should crack and peel   
                  I want the fire back! 

         The camera cut to the Bronze where smoke swirls as Sweet shoved Dawn into a chair, sitting in the other chair beside her. Dawn looked scared. 

         Cutting back, Buffy continued, as she walked down the street, 

                  Now through the smoke, she calls to me   
                  To make my way across the flame   
                  To save the day   
                  Or maybe melt away   
                  I guess it's all the same 

                  So I will walk through the fire   
                  'Cause where else can I turn?   
                  I will walk through the fire   
                  And let it – 

         The camera cut to Spike, sitting in an alley smoking a cigarette. 

                  The torch I bear is scorching me   
                  Buffy's laughing, I've no doubt 

         He took a drag and added, 

                  I hope she fries   
                  I'm free if that bitch dies! 

         He tossed the cigarette away angrily, then jumped up, walking away. 

                  I better help her out. 

         The camera cut once again to the Bronze, where Sweet sang, 

                  'Cause she is drawn to the fire. 

         Cutting back and forth, the camera caught both Spike and Sweet singing, 

                  Sweet: Some people…   
                  Spike: She will…   
                  Sweet/Spike: …never learn.   
                                    And she will walk through the fire   
                                    And let it – 

         The scene cut back to the magic shop where Willow and Tara sat at the table, not looking at each other. Giles stood behind the counter and sang, 

                  Will this do a thing to change her?   
                  Am I leaving Dawn in danger?   
                  Is my Slayer too far gone to care? 

         Xander added, 

                  What if Buffy can't defeat it? 

         Anya came up beside up and sang, 

                  Beady Eyes is right, we're needed!   
                  Or we could just sit around and glare… 

         She looked at Willow and Tara as Giles came out from behind the counter, giving Willow and Tara a look. They got up, and they all walked toward the door, singing, 

                  We'll see it through   
                  It's what we're always here to do   
                  So we will walk through the fire… 

         The camera cut back to Buffy walking alone through an alley. 

                  So one by one, they turn from me   
                  I guess my friends can't face the cold   
                  But why I froze, not one among them knows   
                  And never can be told. 

         Splitting the screen, the scene showed Sweet singing with the group. 

                  Anya: She came from the grave much graver   
                           Sweet: So one by one they turn to me   
                  Spike: First, he'll kill her, then I'll save her   
                           Sweet: The distant redness as their guide   
                                    Buffy: Going through the motions   
                  Tara: Everything is turning out so dark   
                           Sweet: That single flame, ain't what they had in mind.   
                                    Buffy: Walking through the part   
                  Spike: No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her   
                           Sweet: It's what they have inside.   
                  Willow: I think this line's mostly filler   
                  Giles: What's it going take to strike a spark?   
                           Buffy: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze   
                                    Sweet: She will come to me 

         They all sing, 

                  And we are caught in the fire 

         As Buffy walked down the street alone, she sang, 

                  The point of no return   
                  So we will walk through the fire 

         The camera but to the Scoobies walking down the street as a fire engine goes by behind them with lights flashing, singing, 

                  And let it   
                  Burn…   
                  Let it burn… 

         The camera cutting to Spike jumping over a fence into an alley outside the Bronze. 

                  Let it burn…   
                  Let it burn! 

         Buffy kicked down the door of the Bronze and smashed it to pieces. 

         Sweet looked up and said, "Showtime!" as he chuckled. 

         The screen blacked out. 

* * *


	22. To Fight Her Fight

**Interlude 10: To Fight Her Fight**

* * *

         The five of them rose and cheered. 

         "You go, girl!" cried Gunn, as Cordy hugged Fred, jumping. 

         "See?! I told you! They're champions!" she crowed to Angel. 

         Angel was smiling until he saw Lorne sitting and not cheering. "Lorne?" 

         "What is it?" asked Wesley, who had rejoined them sometime during the show. 

         Lorne took a deep breath and said, "I'm getting some seriously bad vibes off of Buffy, children. Somehow… I don't know. It's just not good." 

         "Lorne… what is it?!" demanded Angel. "Is she okay?" 

         "Relax, Angel-hair. She'll okay… physically… I'm just… she's cracking, and Sweet… he wants to see her burn…" he reminded them. 

         Angel sat down and put his head in hands. "What do I do?" he asked, quietly. 

         Wesley looked at the vampire and said, "What you have to. Watch. Let her fight her fight." 

* * *


	23. Life's A Show

Chapter 11: Life's a Show… 

**Chapter 11: Life's a Show…**

* * *

        Buffy walked into the Bronze and looked around as her eyes took in the sight of the three judges at one end of the room, tied up in thick ropes and Sweet and Dawn, sitting in chairs on the stage. 

        "I love a good entrance," Sweet said. 

        "How are you with death scenes?" Buffy replied. 

        Sweet just chuckled as she walked a little closer. 

        The camera cut to Ryan, as he stood beside the stage and said, "Welcome back! We're now in the Bronze, where Buffy is facing down our singing demon, who kidnapped her sister and tied up our judges," he said, with a laugh. 

        "Untie us, Ryan!" cried Paula. 

        "You moron!" screamed Simon. "This isn't part of the show! He tricked us!" 

        "Too bad, they didn't gag Simon," Ryan joked as he continued, "Abandoned by her friends, Buffy has to face the demon alone. Can she do it? Let's watch!" 

        Cutting back to Buffy, she ignored Ryan and asked, "You got a name?" 

        Sweet laughed again, "I've got a hundred." 

        "Well, I ought to know what to call you if you're going be my brother-in-law," she said. 

        "Call him Sweet, Buffy… that's what we call him!" cried out Ryan. 

        Randy struggled against his bonds, saying, "G, you're an idiot! He'll kill her… and us! Get a brain and come undo us!" 

        Ryan laughed a bit more nervously this time, as if unsure he should risk let the 'show' get out of hand and listening to them or if they were part of the show. 

        "Buffy, I swear I didn't do it," pleaded Dawn. 

        "Don't worry. You're not going anywhere. I am," she said, as Sweet looked at her. 

        "What?" Dawn asked. Sweet looked interested and so sat forward. 

        "Deal's this. I can't kill you? You take me to Hellsville in her place," negotiated Buffy. 

        "What if I kill you?" Sweet asked. 

        "Trust me. Won't help." 

        "Hm, that's gloomy!" he retorted. 

        "That's life," she answered, simply. 

        Sweet chuckled. "Come now, is that really what you feel? Isn't life a miraculous thing?" 

        "I think you already know," she said. The she sang, 

                Life's a show   
                And we all play our parts   
                And when the music starts   
                We open up our hearts.   
                It's all right   
                If some things come out wrong   
                We'll sing a happy song   
                And you can sing along. 

        The beat changed to a harsh hard-rock tune with lots of electric guitar. The minions attacked her with pool cues grabbed off the pool tables. Buffy continues to sing as she fought them off. 

                Where there's life (she grabbed a pool cue from a minion and hit him)   
                There's hope   
                Every day's (elbowed the second minion)   
                A gift   
                Wishes can (kicked)   
                Come true   
                Whistle while (punched)   
                You work (blow with pool cue)   
                So hard (blow)   
                All day (threw pool cue and impaled the third minion) 

        Back to the original ballad melody, she sang, 

                To be like other girls. 

        The Scoobies came in, saw Buffy fighting with Sweet watching and listening as she sang, 

                To fit in in this glittering world.   
                Don't give me songs. 

        "She needs backup. Anya, Tara," Giles said urgently, and gesturing to Xander and Willow to free the judges who screamed to be let go. 

                Don't give me songs. 

        Anya and Tara took up positions behind Buffy to be her backup singers and dancers. The three of them moved in sync as Buffy continued, 

                Give me something to sing about.   
                        Tara/Anya: Ahhhhh...   
                I need something to sing about.   
                        Tara/Anya: Ahhhhh... 

        The hard-rock beat returned as the girls danced to it for a minute, then returned to the first dance and the ballad. 

                Life's a song   
                You don't get to rehearse.   
                And every single verse   
                Can make it that much worse. 

        Anya and Tara stopped dancing and moved to background as Buffy put up a hand as if to shield herself from the sight of her friends and the judges. 

                Still my friends   
                Don't know why I ignore   
                The million things or more   
                I should be dancing for. 

        Back to the hard-rock tune, Buffy continued dancing alone. 

                All the joy   
                Life sends   
                Family   
                And friends   
                All the twists   
                And bends   
                Knowing that   
                It ends   
                Well that   
                Depends 

        Back to the ballad melody, Buffy looked around at the Scoobies and sang, 

                On if they let you go   
                On if they know enough to know   
                That when you've bowed   
                You leave the crowd. 

        She walked up onto the stage, looked back at the others, then at Sweet who was still sitting. 

                There was no pain   
                No fear, no doubt   
                Till they pulled me out   
                Of Heaven. 

        She looked back at the others. The camera cut back and forth from Buffy to the horrified faces of her friends. 

                So that's my refrain.   
                I live in Hell   
                'Cause I've been expelled   
                From Heaven…   
                I think I was in Heaven…   
                So, give me something to sing about. 

        She whirled around to look at Sweet and begged, 

                Please   
                Give me something... 

        Sweet shook his head. Buffy gave him a desperate look, then turned and flipped off the stage onto the floor. The hard-rock tune returned with the electric guitars playing a wild riff. Buffy danced, faster and faster as Dawn watched in dismay. Sweet leaned forward expectantly. 

        Buffy spun wildly round and round and round as smoke began to curl off her. 

        Suddenly, Spike appeared and stopped her by grabbing her upper arms. Buffy gave him a desperate, unhappy look. He sang, 

                Life's not a song   
                Life isn't bliss   
                Life is just this   
                It's living 

        He brushed her hair back from her face, lovingly and continued to sing, 

                You'll get along   
                The pain that you feel   
                You only can heal   
                By living… 

        Buffy looked like she was about to cry. 

                You have to go one living…   
                So one of us is living… 

        Buffy stared at Spike. Dawn walked forward to the edge of the stage and said, "The hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it." 

        As they all looked at each other, Sweet applauded. "Now, that was a show-stopping number." Buffy and Spike turned to look at him, menacingly. "Not quite the fireworks that I was looking for." 

        "Get out of here," Willow said, quietly. 

        "Mm, I smell power," he said, with a smile. "I guess the little missus and I should be on our way," he added, giving Dawn his hand. 

        "That's never going to happen," Giles announced. 

        Sweet chuckled again. "I don't make the rules. They do," he said, pointing to the judges. 

        "Us?" asked Simon. "We didn't… the network…" 

        "…yeah, they told us…" added Paula. 

        "Just a contest, you know," Randy put in. "To find the next Idol…" 

        "They allowed me to cast the spell and they're in charge of the show," explained Sweet. 

        "Hey!" cried Ryan. "_I'm_ in charge of the show, okay? _I'm_ the host!" 

        "Charge? You imbecile, you didn't even know that we were really being taken hostage!" cried Simon, exasperated. 

        "But… but…" Ryan stuttered as he tried to find some explanation. 

        "Okay, everyone, stop!" cried Buffy. 

        But Sweet ignored that and added, "She has my talisman on, the sweet thing." Sweet reached out to touch the necklace Dawn is wearing. She cringed in fear and cowered away from him. 

        "Oh, but, no, I, I, um, uh, this, at, at the Magic Box, on the floor, I was, I was cleaning, and I ... forgot ... but ... I didn't use it..." she explained. 

        "No, we did," said Ryan. "We used it to start the show." 

        "You did this?!" Willow cried. 

        "Well, not me, per se…" he added hastily. 

        Giles looked at Ryan and mused, "If it was in the shop ... then one of us probably..." 

        They all looked around at each other as Ryan pointed to Xander who raised his hand. 

        "Xander?!" Anya cried, unbelievably. 

        "Well, I didn't know what was going happen!" he defended. "I just found it by the Magic Box. I read what was on it…" 

        "… I planted it there…" piped Ryan. 

        "Then… all this!" Xander said, gesturing wildly. 

        Sweet looked at them and chuckled once more. "I called the network and had them bring the show here… Xander was merely a pawn." 

        "But why?" Giles asked. 

        "Fun… entertainment… you humans are _so_ amusing, with your secrets and your volatile emotions…" he laughed. "And now we have a great show to broadcast… I think everything worked out just fine." 

        "They'll never show this on TV," Willow said. 

        Paula looked at her and said, "Wanna bet?" 

        "Oh, yeah, they'll show it aiight," drawled Randy. "This is FOX, after all…" 

        Willow looked at them and said, "Are you trying to say the network will show all this stuff about demons and magic?!" 

        Sweet laughed. "Girl, you think I'm evil… I'm just the help. No network like FOX gets its ratings with some… underhandness." 

        "So, the _network's_ the Big Bad?" asked Buffy. 

        Giles nodded as if it was just starting to make sense. "The network's evil…" 

        Sweet smiled. "And you humans would never know the difference. Demons and magic? They would never believe it…" 

        "God, we're stupid…" Tara moaned. 

        Xander raised his hand carefully again. "Does this mean that I have to..." he gulped. "…be your queen?" 

        "It's tempting," Sweet said, as Xander looked at him, apprehensively. "But I think we'll waive that clause just this once." 

        Xander was intensely relieved as they watched Sweet say, "Big smiles, everyone! You beat the bad guy!" 

        He did a quick spin and sang, 

                What a lot of fun   
                You guys have been real swell   
                And there's not a one   
                Who can say this ended well…   
                All those secrets you've been concealing   
                Say you're happy now,   
                Once more, with feeling!   
                Now I gotta run   
                See you all... 

        He turned into a ball of light that swirled around their heads, leaving a sparkly trail. They watched it go and he sang, 

                ...in heeeeeeelll! 

        The screen suddenly blacked out. 

* * *


	24. Winning At What Cost?

Interlude 11: Winning… At What Cost? 

**Interlude 11: Winning… At What Cost?**

* * *

         "Oh my God… they won!" said Fred. 

         "The network's evil…?" mused Lorne. 

         "They did it!" said Wesley. "She almost… but he saved her… stopped her…" 

         Cordy looked at Wesley, amazed. "Spike did. Spike stopped her. He saved…" 

         "But then who won the contest?" asked Gunn. "I mean, there was Buffy, Spike, Tara and Anya left…" 

         "Contest…? Who cares? They won!" cried Fred. 

         "But it's not fair! They need to choose a winner!" argued Gunn. 

         "Winner? No, Gunn, that doesn't matter," explained Wesley. "What's important is they defeated the bad." 

         Lorne looked at Wesley and added, "And that they got all that off of their chests, I mean, woo-hoo, were they keeping back some big things!" 

         "But I thought you said it was dangerous, Lorne," asked Fred. 

         "Dangerous, yes. Look, Buffy almost combusted!" he pointed out. "But singing is healing as well, letting off steam that would eventually consume you bottled up…" 

         "So, it all turned out well, then, huh?" asked Cordy. 

         "Yes, except for one thing," said Angel who thus far had been silent. 

         "What?" 

         Angel looked at them and said, seriously, "Buffy died and went to Heaven. They _tore her out_. How… how is she supposed to get over something like that?" 

         They all sat silently, thinking about that, the quiet hum of the Mazda commercial in the background. Then Wesley said, "They know now. Now, they get through it… together." 

         Angel didn't look at Wesley, but nodded as if that made sense. Then he whispered, "She never told me. We told each other everything. But when I went to see her, after she came back… she didn't say anything." 

         "It was her burden to bear, Angel," Lorne said. "She hurts. So much. This isn't easy for her." 

         Angel turned to Lorne and asked for the hundredth time, the feeling of trepidation roaring through him, "Will she be okay?" 

         Lorne looked away, unable to lie. "I don't know. She has a rough road ahead of her. I don't know…" 

* * *


	25. Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter 12: Where Do We Go From Here? 

**Chapter 12: Where Do We Go From Here?**

* * *

         As the show faded back in, everyone was still at the Bronze, standing around looking kind of shell-shocked. 

         Anya broke the silence. "So, who won?" she asked anxiously, crossing her fingers. 

         Randy looked at her, mouth open, astonished at this, as Paula stuttered, "Uh… I don't think we… prepared for this… um…" 

         Simon raised his hand. "Okay, obviously, we need to have some closure here… Let's just vote, okay? Paula?" 

         Paula looked at them and then said, resolutely, "Spike." 

         "Randy?" 

         "Uh… okay… I vote for… Buffy." 

         Simon looked back at them and said, "Me? I vote for…" 

         "Wait!" 

         They turned to see Ryan coming with the heavy book he had carried earlier with all the rules of the show. 

         "What?" said Simon, irritatedly. 

         "Uh… we have some disqualifications…" said Ryan. "You know… it's mandatory," he told the Scoobies, shrugging. 

         "Well, spit it out…" Simon prodded. 

         Looking at the book, he said, "Um, Spike's disqualified because he… gulp… killed people." 

         "Well, of course I did! I'm evil, remember?" Spike exclaimed. 

         "Sorry, it's in the rules…Fine print and all," said Ryan. "And past and present employees of the Watcher's Council and their affiliates, as well as their families are ineligible as they are FOX's unofficial sponsors…" 

         "That eliminates me, I suppose," said Giles. 

         "And Buffy and Dawn…" added Ryan. 

         "I'm out?!" cried Buffy. 

         "Un-huh. And Dawn… your sister," he explained. "And no persons currently enrolled in Sunnydale University…" 

         "That makes me and Tara out, too, huh?" said Willow. 

         When Ryan nodded, Simon sighed a sigh of relief and said, "Well, thank God for that!" 

         "Hey!" cried Willow. 

         "Oh, me! Me! I won!" said Anya, anxiously. 

         Spike looked at her and said, "Luv, you killed people too, you know." 

         "Oh," she pouted. 

         "So, that leaves…" trailed Ryan, as he looked at Xander. 

         "Wait, I won?" he asked. 

         "No, that's not fair," said Anya. "He was eliminated!" 

         Ryan looked at the judges. "Your call… you're in charge, apparently," he added, bitterly. 

         The three judges conferred silently for a moment and then came back to have Randy say, "Sorry, dog. You _were_ technically eliminated, so…" 

         "So, you sound so horrible, that giving you a second chance to win would be physically painful for us," added Simon. When Paula and Randy hit him, he looked up innocently and said, "What? It's true… what, am I supposed to lie?" 

         "So, no one won?" asked Buffy. 

         "Nope," said Paula. "It happens sometimes." 

         "Let me get this straight. You invoked this demon for this show, endangered everyone in Sunnydale and put us through personal turmoil… only to declare no winner?" asked Willow, incredulously. 

         Randy shrugged. "Yeah." 

         "That's show business…" added Simon. "But great show, don't you all think?" 

         "Yeah," Paula and Randy agreed. 

         "So… what happens now?" asked Xander. 

         Simon looked at his watch, then at him and said, "You have about two minutes left… Just enough time for the big group finale, of course… Looks like Sweet left behind enough of the charm… This is your last chance to shine in front of America. Make it good." 

         They all looked at each other, unsure of what to do. Then, Dawn walked across the stage and, standing in front of them, sang as she came down, 

                  Where do we go... from here? 

         Buffy and Spike looked at each other, 

                  Where do we go... from here? 

         Giles turned to the judges and sang to them, 

                  The battle's done   
                  And we kind of won 

         Tara joining in, 

                  So we sound our victory cheer   
                  Where do we go from here? 

         Anya and Xander walked towards each other, singing, 

                  Why is the path unclear   
                  When we know home is near? 

         They all moved to stand in a line side-by-side in front of the judges. 

                  Understand we'll go hand in hand (all joined hands)   
                  But we'll walk alone in fear. 

         They all released their hands and walked off in different directions as Giles sang, 

                  Tell me! 

         They all turned and sang, 

                  Where do we go from here?   
                  When does the end appear? 

         As they sang this, Spike saw Ryan, smiling and grooving idiotically to the music and he suddenly stopped, scoffed and put his arm down, saying, "Bugger this." 

         Spike turned and left and the song continued without him. 

                  When do the trumpets cheer?   
                  The curtains close on a kiss, God knows 

         The camera cut to outside. Spike came out and began walking down the street. Faintly, the others inside sang, 

                  …we can tell the end is near. 

         Buffy came out of the Bronze after Spike. "Hey," she called. 

                  Where do we go from here? 

         Spike turned to see her and said, "You should go back inside. Finish the big group sing. Get your kum-ba-yayas out." 

         "I don't want to," she replied, like a child. 

         Spike sighed. "The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones." 

         "Spike..." 

         "Look, you don't have to say anything…" 

         Buffy took a step forward and sang, 

                  I touch the fire and it freezes me. 

         Spike looked surprised. They walked toward each other as he sang, 

                  I died... 

                  Buffy: I look into it and it's black   
                  Spike: So many years ago.   
                  Buffy: This isn't real   
                  Spike: But you can make me…   
                  Buffy: But I just want to…   
                  Both: …feeeeeel… 

         As they held the last note on 'feel', they walked right up to each other and finished the song by kissing passionately as the voices of the others inside could be heard to sing, 

                  Where do we go from here? 

         The words 'The End' flashed on the screen with the _Sunnydale Idol_ logo spinning, and the screen faded out on Buffy and Spike as they continued kissing. 

* * *


	26. Epilogue Can You Hear Me Now? Good

Epilogue - Can You Hear Me Now? Good… 

**Epilogue - Can You Hear Me Now? Good…**

* * *

         The six at the Hyperion sat in shock over that last image as the credits rolled. 

         Angel broke it by wordlessly pointing at the screen, which now had a boy saying how Mr. Christie made _good_ cookies, and trying to speak. "They… they…" 

         "Angel?" Cordy finally asked. 

         "They kissed!" he cried. "They…" 

         "Kissed, we know, Angel… we saw…" said Gunn. 

         Angel turned to Lorne. "You said… You said she would be okay!" he accused. 

         Lorne looked back at him, blinking. "She is. She's fine. A little too interested in the living dead for my tastes… but hey, different strokes…" 

         "No! She can't love Spike, he's…" 

         "Evil?" asked Fred. "You guys keep saying that, but he saved her. He's good…" 

         "No, he's not!" insisted Angel. "He's a vampire…" 

         "So are you," Cordy pointed out. 

         "…but I have a soul…" 

         "…and he has a chip… and he's helping them…" she added. 

         When Angel sat back down, heavily, Wesley ventured, "Perhaps Spike has had an epiphany as well, perhaps he's being redeemed, perhaps…" 

         "Perhaps he wants to get into Buffy's pants," muttered Gunn. 

         "…maybe," agreed Wesley. "But it is Buffy's life and from personal experience, she does not let anyone tell her what to do. She has to learn what Spike's motives are herself." 

         "So, basically, I have to sit here and watch…" Angel grumbled. 

         "Basically," Lorne said. "Everyone's in control of their own destiny." 

         "Will she be okay?" Angel asked yet again, quietly. 

         Lorne smiled. "They'll be fine. All of them. There will bumps and bruises along the way, but they get through it. Like they always do," he reassured him. 

         Then, slowly, the feeling Angel had been having since he woke was fading. Buffy _could_ take care of herself. If anything, the show demonstrated that. 

         And she had her friends… and Spike, as much as he hated to admit it. And he was here, a phone call away. 

         Speaking of which… 

         "Okay… but I'm still calling them," Angel said, going to the counter for the phone. 

         Fred and Gunn settled back in for the next show, something called twenty-four, just as yet another Verizon commercial came on. 

         "Can you hear me now?" the man with the glasses asked. 

         "Yes!!" screamed Cordy from behind the couch, in complete irritation. 

         "Good…" he began to say as Cordy slipped off and hurled her very expensive Gucci shoe at the screen, causing it to implode. 

         "What…!" cried Gunn, as Fred screeched. 

         Cordy looked stunned, for a moment at what she did, then turned to them sheepishly as she shrugged, "He was getting on my nerves." 

         "But… but…" Fred motioned in disbelief to the screen as Angel started to laugh slowly. 

         "Angel?" asked Gunn, hesitantly. 

         Angel began to laugh harder as he mimed Cordy's shoe-throwing, causing Cordy to begin to smile slightly. As he began to roar with laughter, she also began to snicker, saying, "And that was my favorite pair, too, you know…" 

         That caused another burst of uncontrolled laughter from Angel as Cordy joined in. "She… she threw…" he tried to say, but couldn't stop laughing as Wesley and Lorne smiled at the sight of the two of them trying to control their laughter and the shocked looks on Gunn and Fred's faces. 

         "What the hell – why are you two laughing?!" exclaimed Gunn, seriously. "You just broke the set, how am I supposed to watch my show?!" 

         Lorne snorted as he, too, began to laugh. "The TV… it's evil, you know." 

         This caused Wesley to let loose a guffaw. "Cordelia, you slayed the TV…" 

         Angel fell over, laughing again and Cordelia clutched her stomach, as a fresh bout of laughing erupted from the four of them. 

         "…ha… with… ha, ha… my… shoeeee!" she managed to say, before collapsing in laughter. 

         Fred looked confused at Gunn. "The Verizon guy is evil?" she asked, holding her fingers out in the traditional Verizon manner. 

         Gunn blinked at her, then tried to hide the smile creeping on his face. 

         "What?" she asked innocently, again, looking at the V she was making with her hand. Gunn lost it, chuckling first, then outright laughing. 

         Fred looked around the room at the five of them, laughing hysterically as she stood there, in front of the busted TV. She pouted as she dropped her hand. She looked forlornly at the TV and slid her hand on its polished top. 

         "Does this mean we're not going to get another TV?" she asked. "'Cause I'm missing 24 and there's another episode of _Are You Hot?_ afterwards…" she warned. 

         They all stopped laughing. Fred looked at them and added, "Crazy Lucky's open all night…" she enticed. 

         The five of them looked at each other. 

         "Well, there are _educational_ programs on…" volunteered Wesley, coughing nervously. 

         Gunn nodded. "And if the network's evil, we have a duty to keep our eye on it…" 

         "We could be called to save the world," agreed Angel. 

         Cordy looked at them. "And really, how else will I know what's hot for the current fashion season?" 

         "Ooh, and the Grammy's are next week…" said Lorne pointed out. "I could, you know… read them…" 

         "And 24," Fred reminded them. "The bomb's about to go off!" she begged. 

         "BET," said Gunn. 

         "The Learning Channel," Wesley said. 

         "Fashion Television," Cordy added. 

         "MTV," chimed Lorne. 

         "I'll get my car," said Angel, quickly as they bustled for the door. 

         "Let's drop by the satellite guy, too, on Main," said Fred. When they all looked at her, she said, "Two hundred channels, people… Lots of evil to fight!" 

         They all nodded as if that was best reason and as Cordy closed the door behind them, she warned, "But if I'm wearing my Pradas and that Verizon guy come on…" 

         ~~ THE END ~~ 

          

* * *


End file.
